All the FMLs

Play 4'33"

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 23:00

Today, my switch to night shifts has coincided nicely with my neighbour buying her twin juvenile delinquent crotch goblins a drum set and a guitar. Now during the daylight hours, when I’m supposed to be asleep, all I can hear is their racket on the other side of the wall, mere feet from my head FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 125

Brain worms

By Whoops - 15/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, it's been several weeks, I went to the doctor for an ear infection and I still don't feel too good. It was then that I realized the doctor forgot to prescribe me medication for said infection. That explains a few things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 190

Rushed

By K.Trinity - 15/06/2024 20:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 445

What just happened?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Bellevue

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 279

You deserved it 6 173

Charity case

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took unpaid leave for a month to work as a temp at a charity organisation, assuming it was paid due to the great benefits mentioned. During my placement, I noticed clues it was voluntary but it didn't register. At the end, I discovered it was unpaid. I get to do voluntary work for a whole month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 746

A living meme

By Neck - 15/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I learned that I'm not crazy and my neck is actually swollen, albeit due to seasonal allergies and not something very serious. I feel like the "Wide Neck Mugshot" guy, only much more lame. I can't describe how uncomfortable it is, other than it feels like something's trying to break out of there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 72

Scoville

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made dinner. He warned me that it was spicy, but I laughed at him and said that white guys don't know spicy. Five minutes later, I had to beg for milk, with my eyes streaming and nose pouring. Turns out I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 713

Diddums

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, due to an emergency, I ended up working for 18 hours instead of 13. I'd texted my unemployed wife to let her know this was unavoidable, but when I got home she blamed me like she thought I planned this in advance, yelled at me, and my dinner was Heinz tomato soup I had to heat up myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 108

Give me strength

By wtbfiber - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 525

You deserved it 6 458

Toot toot!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a massive sneeze while driving. It was so strong that I swerved and accidentally hit the horn, startling the person crossing the street. They dropped their coffee all over themselves and their phone. I ended up giving them cash for a new phone out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 258

A mess of hurt

By Anonymous - 14/06/2024 13:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my boyfriend of 10 years has a beloved wife and a gun. I never even knew he was married or that he packed heat; others outed him. His response is not one of remorse but of self-righteousness and being outright mean to me, especially fun given my dad just died, and my uncaring mom attacks me for not supporting genocide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 287

What did they say?

By Anonymous - 14/06/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to find out why I still haven't gotten my refund for when the ATM gave me a cash dispenser error and cancelled the transaction, but the money was taken out of the account anyway. The error happened on Friday of last week, it's Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 82

Shit!

By SingleSara. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know three hours ago, before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 440

You deserved it 3 533

Friends for miles

By mark - 14/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, every one of the girls in the friend group I’m in collectively agreed that I'm too soft, innocent, and adorable looking to date or hook up with. However, they expressed that they each want to get with my best friend, and asked me if I can set each of them up with him to hook up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 117

New addiction just dropped

By Never going outside again - 14/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out about allergies suddenly getting worse out of nowhere when it happened to mine. I can hardly step outside without feeling like hell when I get back home, which was never the case before, and I'm going through allergy medicine like a drug addict (almost). FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 54

Confused

By Anonymous - 14/06/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I tried signing into one of my many food apps. After three hours, forty five minutes, and several emails with tech support, I realized that I had mixed up the emails I use for my Amazon and food accounts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 449

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 14/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 81

Broke boy

By LemonTree - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Hungary

Today, I realized that I'd run out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 377

You deserved it 7 175

Compliant

By Anonymous - 13/06/2024 15:00 - United States - Prospect

Today, I finally finished our two hour long yearly compliance training at work. Not five minutes later, I receive an email from our compliance department, notifying me of a complaint against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 109

Like that scene in Alien!

By Orange cat behavior - 13/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I had to vacuum for the first time since getting my new kitten. I feared that he would freak out, so I took measures to make sure he would be comfortable, including a "safe room" with toys and a bed for him. As expected, he freaked out. But instead of going to his room, he jumped and grappled onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 169

Receipe for disaster

By Yudith - 13/06/2024 14:00 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 86

Language!

By angkal2002 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my five year-old sister won't stop saying, "Shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 565

You deserved it 3 438

Running gag

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 13/06/2024 07:00 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I tried one of those AI companion simulators, one that's supposed to simulate what it's like to have a girlfriend. I role-played what it would be like to help her with a problem, then drive her home. After doing so, the AI began to act as if it didn't even know me, and asked me to leave. It's uncanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 407

Brain freeze

By Anonymous - 13/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I work at a hospice center. At 3AM, a call just went out to a man's family to come because he was dying. I didn't realize that this man was my old friend's grandpa. When I saw her, I smiled really big and said, "Hey! Great to see you!" Her grandpa was ACTIVELY DYING. Stupid stupid stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 175

'tis the season!

By Bleh ;-; - 13/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I'm going on three weeks of unexplainable and minor, but noticeable ailments. The doctor says it's just my seasonal allergies acting up a ton, which was somewhat comforting, but it just won't stop, even when I remain indoors. I'm otherwise a very healthy person, so I think I have a reason to be worried now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 100

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/06/2024 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a new restaurant when I went to the restroom. When I was done, I sat back down at the table, and idly started listening to my friends chatting. After a few seconds, I realized I'd sat at the wrong table, with complete strangers, who were too polite and/or bemused to say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 482

Updated

By Anonymous - 12/06/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I'm desperately trying to complete a project for a client. However, I have to stop every hour to provide the client with an update of the progress. The deadline is in mid July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 90

Rural

By grossew - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my farm dog and I are spending the weekend in an urban area. She won't poop on concrete, so I directed her to a nice two-foot tall grassy median. As she vaulted up onto the median, two turds shot out of her ass and plopped right on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 449

The strangeness of strangers

By TMI - 12/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, a man with one eye and a severely disfigured face accosted me at the grocery store. What started as a question about my shirt became an explanation for why he looks the way he does: He took a shotgun blast to the face. I didn't ask about or even draw attention to his appearance. Sweet dreams for me tonight! FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 112

Check these out!

By Anonymous - 12/06/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a rush so when I got home I went to my bedroom, which is on the ground floor, and just started changing my clothes. It wasn’t until I was done I realised my blinds were open. Basically, I'd flashed my thong and tits to a packed bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 417

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 189

You deserved it 11 246

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 403

The Top

Today, I found my boyfriend browsing tablet PCs on the internet. He actually had a tablet until a while ago, but he hardly ever used it. He still has two smartphones, a desktop PC and a laptop he never uses. But yeah, sure, he needs a tablet. Because, "they're cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 278

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 198

You deserved it 3 309

Today, I found out my boyfriend is booking my dream vacation to Bali with his brothers, 6 months after he told me we couldn't go on vacation this year because he doesn’t have the money. They planned this within a week. I had been planning it with him for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 304

You deserved it 210

Today, I emptied out a bottle of water onto my porch as I was going into my house. Only a couple of hours later, I decided to leave and slipped on what had turned into ice, bruised my tailbone and sprained my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 955

You deserved it 36 223

Today, I was so tired from staying up late binge-watching my favorite show that I accidentally put my phone in the refrigerator instead of the milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 936

Today, my university's dorms closed due to COVID-19 and when I asked my parents if I could stay with them, they said no because, "we're social distancing." They weren't joking, I have nobody else to stay with. I'm now legitimately living in a tent under a bridge until this pandemic ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 691

You deserved it 166