All the FMLs

You what?

By whattheheck - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 616

You deserved it 3 566

Science, bitch!

By Anonymous - 30/05/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I'm in a new curriculum and I was doing science work online, when a teacher told me I had been doing Grade 7 science this whole semester, all because some stand-in teacher assigned me the wrong thing at the beginning of the year. Time to catch up a whole six months of work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 80

This is America

By Anthony - 30/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Manorville

Today, I’m so broken and poor that I look forward towards my one free meal in my shelter just so I can have a conversation with people and act like I’m happy, and see another smile. I wish I could have more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 91

All together now

By aloneagainnaturally - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Søborg

Today, we were all put in groups to make a presentation together. And by "together" I mean I pulled an all nighter to finish it by myself. My group criticized my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 888

You deserved it 2 226

Not the brightest star

By Anonymous - 30/05/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I watched on camera as my son tried to light a bonfire and set fire to my shed. Props to him, he ran to get my mini fire extinguisher from the car, but he pulled the pin then THREW THE EXTINGUISHER INTO THE FIRE. The dumb SOB thought mini extinguishers worked like grenades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 160

Stretched out

By Anonymous - 30/05/2024 12:00 - Germany - Heidenau

Today, I found out by chance that my rather loose and totally decent yoga pants become completely transparent as soon I bend over and they stretch on my ass. Seriously, who designs these things? Peeping Toms?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 324

I'm so tired

By slapstick1982 - 30/05/2024 03:00 - United States - Port Washington

Today, after double-checking to make sure the garage door was completely open, I backed my car into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 267

Don't do the crime if you can't stop falling down

By NessyC - 30/05/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to the salon to get some acrylics done. They increased the prices recently and it was more expensive than expected. I didn’t have enough money in my account to cover the service, so I planned on running out when I had the chance. I ended up running out only to faceplant in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 1 476

Adding insult to injury

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. While he was dumping me, he was holding hands with his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 015

You deserved it 3 140

Raincheck?

By Anonymous - 29/05/2024 17:00 - United States - League City

Today, it's a day before my birthday and I will be turning 14. My grandma died 5 days ago and in Indian culture you aren’t supposed to celebrate for 16 days after a loved one dies. I have dietary restrictions too and can’t eat eggs because of her death, which means I basically can’t have any sweets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 183

Country life

By Shain barrett - 29/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Medina

Today, I woke up from a great night of camping and fishing all night long with my fiancee, only to find my stringer of fish being eaten by a water moccasin snake. My dad's been asking for a fish fry for two weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 141

How does their suck make my suck not suck?

By Samme - 29/05/2024 14:00 - United States - High Springs

Today, I realized that after decades of crappy retail jobs, when I left my last one praying to God that I'd never have to work retail again, I got my wish. Brain surgery put me in a wheelchair for life and I can do very little with my limbs. Be careful what you wish for, perspective is everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 104

One rule for thee…

By logic - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked by my live-in landlord not to put too much water in the kettle because it made the utility bills too high. This is the same woman who takes daily baths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 734

You deserved it 2 290

There's always that one dude

By Anonymous - 29/05/2024 16:00 - Ireland

Today, it was my second day at my new job. The bathrooms have urinals, and I usually get bladder shy while using them, but I thought, "When in Rome…" That's when my manager came in, stood at the urinal next to mine, dropped his pants and boxers around his ankles, and started talking about sports. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 107

Please tell us more

By Joey - 29/05/2024 05:00 - United States - Stockton

Today, it was supposed to be a big date day for my girlfriend and I. She really loves a specific video game, so I did what I thought was special on it. I learned the hard way that doing so ruined the entire day for her over the video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 349

Triggering

By Anonymous - 29/05/2024 06:00 - United States - White Plains

Today, a cashier sniffed at the money "you people" waste on tattoos. I have two full sleeve bamboo thickets to cover up old self-harm scars, but her criticism caused the self-hatred to come roaring back. Now it's a struggle to not fall back into those habits and damage that admittedly expensive artwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 201

Walk it off

By Anonymous - 29/05/2024 09:00 - Serbia - Belgrade

Today, my dad told me that my stomach pain is from a lack of exercise. He knows I've recently had a medical procedure that's known to cause pain in the aftermath, but he dismisses it as a cause. By the way, I can't exercise because of the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 84

Average Slowdive gig

By Vladymyr - 29/05/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I met in person a girl I’ve been talking to on Facebook Messenger. We went to a concert of a group we both like, then dinner, and had lots of fun. At the end of the night I realized she’s amazing as hell, and I’ve fallen in love. Our compatibility is unmatched. The problem is that I have a girlfriend of 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 1 407

Quota

By lazy pregnant girl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that because he works fifty hours a week, I should be meeting an arbitrary quota of fifty hours of housework, and if I don't, I'm insensitive and ungrateful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 245

You deserved it 10 489

AI is going to destroy us all

By AI hates me - 28/05/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was messing with an AI art generator. As luck would have it, it generated a nasty NSFW image just as my mom happened to walk by, despite my prompt being 100% innocent. It was also just after I got a nice, wholesome result, so I was smiling at the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 457

Busted

By Don13 - 28/05/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my soon-to-be ex-wife had installed a Ring front door camera. The way I found out was when the PowerPoint presentation I was supposed to present at work started with the footage of me taking my girlfriend to the house when my wife wasn’t around. The next slide said, “Call your lawyer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 1 677

BIKES!

By Anonymous - 29/05/2024 02:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I took my motorbike out for the first time ever, after having waited for five weeks for it to be returned from the mechanics. Three hours later and I crashed after getting caught in the rain and hitting an oil patch on the road. Looks like I won't be riding until it's fixed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 207

HELP!

By jenny2989 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I reached behind my couch to plug my phone charger in. My arm got stuck and I had to wait for my roommate to get home to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 056

You deserved it 18 357

Dream on

By No more monkeys! - 28/05/2024 07:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband’s dream has always been to have a big family. I however cannot physically or mentally handle having any more. He’s now threatening to hire a surrogate to continue pumping out babies for him. We already have 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 127

What would you do?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2024 20:00 - Philippines - Bacoor

Today, I don't know what to do. I like my BFF, and I really don't know what to do. I want to confess my feelings for her, but I don't think she will like me back because we're only supposed to be friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 177

Tips Fedora

By UglyBoi4Lyfe - 28/05/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I had to watch as the girl I love got her heart stomped to pieces once again. She had turned me down because apparently I’m not “her type”. She doesn’t understand that I will worship the ground she walks on, and give her the world and more. Her type must be abusers and cheaters then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 1 074

Go vegan!

By Anon - 28/05/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I posted in the family group chat, asking if there would be plant-based food options for the Memorial Day barbecue, since I am vegan. All they sent were laughing emojis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 808

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999

By Anonymous - 28/05/2024 05:00

Today, I found out why my mother has treated me like dogshit since the day I was born. I was apparently born during a solar eclipse, which in her twisted mind meant I was born evil, with a black soul. I train dogs for blind people, yet she insists I must have a sinister motive even for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 67

I don't get paid enough for this shit

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because we didn't have any ketchup packets. I work in a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 428

You deserved it 2 523

Bigfoot

By Anonymous - 27/05/2024 23:00

Today, after my daughter had a cast on her broken leg for 14 weeks, she got it removed this morning. She was bawling her eyes out because she never realised her leg hair would keep growing under the plaster; 14 weeks worth of growth. She didn’t cry this much back when she broke the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 82

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 21 179

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 9 781

The Top

Today, I got fired from my part-time job, because I insisted on keeping my phone in my pocket and never using it, instead of putting it in locker without a lock or security camera, that anyone can go through. The manager found out by searching my locker for the past 3 weeks. Ironic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 536

You deserved it 2 389

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 376

You deserved it 3 572

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 211

Today, I poured myself a glass of Coke from the bottle in the fridge. While drinking it, I saw tiny pieces floating in it. Apparently, my boyfriend had drunk straight from the bottle in the morning, felt sick and threw up. He then put the bottle back in the fridge. I just drank my boyfriend's vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 153

Today, my girlfriend will only have sex when she's on her period, because it's the only time she gets horny. She also gets body acne, bloating, and utterly foul BO and gas. The sex is so unpleasant, I'm starting to wish she just got cranky and emotional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 211

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 204

You deserved it 5 249