All the FMLs

Overly attached FWB

By Anonymous - 14/05/2024 13:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my friends-with-benefits asked me if the girl who just added me on Facebook and Instagram is someone new I’m talking to, all within hours of this new friend adding me on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 400

Phones are bad for you

By Katie - 14/05/2024 13:00 - United States - Basehor

Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 173

Cooked

By Un1ucky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 291

You deserved it 7 527

Smart

By Anonymous - 14/05/2024 15:00

Today, I discovered my girlfriend stealing from my bank account. She thought she was smart by disguising her transfers as 'GAS BILL' or 'NETFLIX BILL'. Um, Netflix doesn’t cost £100 a month, and BILL is spelt with two Ls, not three. Reported for fraud; got my money back; single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 101

Failed the smell test

By Anonymous - 14/05/2024 08:00 - Canada

Today, I put my elbow in some sticky, clear stuff on my desk. I supervise a bunch of 20-something men. I don't want to think about what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 89

Shortcut

By Anonymous - 14/05/2024 06:00 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, I clicked on a shortcut that I'd made years ago, not remembering what it was. It sent a message to my ex, who I’m in no contact with, which said, “I love you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 528

Sympathetic

By Sorry kitty - 14/05/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was sick during the night and had to puke. I had no bucket or trashcan nearby, so I ended up puking on the floor. However, because it was so dark, I didn't notice my cat lying in the exact spot where I puked. She was not amused, giving me the mother of all death glares before she started puking herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 145

Beater

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I bought a used car from a private dealer my parents had recommended. On my way home they called to tell me that their car broke down. They bought it last week from the same guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 74

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Montréal

Today, I finally found out why my graphics card in my PC had been overheating recently. My brother disconnected the card's fan because it was too loud when he was gaming. I guess I can always spend another $750. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 652

You deserved it 1 941

Holy jealousy, Batman!

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, after just two days of asking me to officially be his girlfriend, my boyfriend started following his ex-fiancé. When confronted, he admitted to chatting with her for over two hours about an important family matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 151

Nitwit

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 15:00 - Mexico - Mexico City

Today, I accidentally started a fire in my apartment's bathroom while I was high. Last night my girlfriend and I had a chat about how she can't trust me 100%. I feel like an absolute idiot and she's rightfully upset with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 886

Timewaster

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, yet another first date was a total waste of my time as he was yet another creep more interested in the experience of fucking a dwarf than he was in getting to know me as a person. I’m just gonna stay single forever. It’s not like I’ve always dreamed of marriage or anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 117

Trading places

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bremerton

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 640

You deserved it 2 856

Sneaky girl

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 10:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I came home from work to pet-sit 2 dogs and 3 cats, only to find the dispenser for the cat food empty. I'd filled the dispenser yesterday and thought I'd placed it where the dogs couldn't reach it after I left for work. The Labrador could in fact reach, and a week's worth of cat food is now in her stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 187

Happy mother

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 03:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, instead of getting ready for Mother’s Day weekend, I’m recovering from emergency surgery. Last year my kid gave me COVID for Mother’s Day. The year before, my whole family forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 112

Nope, no way

By fiat850 - 13/05/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I agreed to go on a bike ride with my boss, even though I think he's crazy. We rode for a few miles, then he decided it was time to merge onto the freeway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 103

Chipping in

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 12/05/2024 23:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while fighting unemployment and an visible abscess on my neck, I was cajoled into attending my Mom's birthday party. I spent the entire time at the restaurant trying to hide an oozing sore with a bandage, eating partially edible food. The cost? $40 I can't afford to spend on food not worth $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 121

Charged

By Stickerless - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42 cent postage, so now I have to pay $250 because my mother is cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 502

You deserved it 4 477

Insecure tradlife

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 15:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boyfriend told me that in order for me to be considered for marriage, I need to prove that I can be a subservient woman. This includes signing over the deed to my house, my car, and all my banking assets, so that he can be “the man of the house.” I make 6 figures; he rents with roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 179

Too little, too late

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my wife complained about her job and brought up an idea to start our own business and move out of this small town. It was the exact same idea I got yelled at for bringing up 15+ years ago. Now my health is bad, near retirement, and can't get off insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 82

Single and ready to mingle

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 25 and still a virgin. At this point I'm not sure to feel embarrassed or proud. Imagine being 25 and not know what the fuck you are doing in the bedroom. I don't know who it would be more awkward for, me or them. Maybe I'll just avoid human interaction all together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 162

MILF Manor

By daughter - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Vårgårda

Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 248

You deserved it 2 381

Inflation

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 07:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my need for medication that increases bruising collided with my need for major oral surgery. I look like a chipmunk who lost a fight. Just in time for Mother’s Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 82

Meritocracy is a myth

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, as I've always done, I worked extra hard to move up but was never able to in this podunk town, because you have to be related to get anywhere. My wife loves this town and didn't believe me until she got promoted at her work and her "friends" started treating her differently. Welcome to reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 90

Couponed off

By Uber scammed me - 12/05/2024 12:00 - Sweden - Haegersten

Today, I was going to an event with my friends and I'd told them I could pay for an Uber since I had a coupon for 70% off. It was only going to cost 5 bucks, but later I looked at my bank statement and an additional 15 bucks was taken from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 102

Deez nuts

By Nicky - 12/05/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I returned home after a long day, and wanted a snack of the Deluxe Mixed nuts I purchased yesterday. The only thing in the container was almonds and peanuts. My husband admitted he sorted through the nuts then closed the container up so it looked like it had never been opened. FML, and maybe my husband too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 81

The pros and cons

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was emailed an update on the jobs I applied for. Every single one of the positions have closed except for one that I'm having second thoughts about, because looking around Google showed them to be VERY sketchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 66

Gotta have it

By kp. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 992

You deserved it 59 177

Awww, my feefees

By Erick - 11/05/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 274

Discipline

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, our Scout troop was scheduled to do the Cycling Merit Badge. Midway through, it began to rain so hard that I couldn't see the road, and ended up in a ditch. Rather than make sure I was okay, as I was covered in mud and blood, my dad the Scoutmaster decided to scream at me for holding everyone else up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 92

Keywords

Cheating Love Relatable Work Money My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 631

You deserved it 51 997

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 540

You deserved it 1 905

The Top

Today, I foolishly asked my dad why he had a disability rail fitted, not in his bathroom next to the toilet, but above his bed instead. He told me that with his bad joints, he needs something to grab onto on Saturday nights while he’s plowing my mom doggy style. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 1 530

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 10 038

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 981

You deserved it 27 874

Today, whilst working at the supermarket, a man came through my checkout who couldn't open the plastic bags. I thought it would be a laugh to make fun of him because of it, saying "Come on! What's wrong with you?". Turns out he has arthritis. And Parkinson's Disease. He left, more than angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 285

You deserved it 68 076

Today, my girlfriend rejected my proposal, claiming she refuses to get married until she finally finds her dad, so he can walk her down the aisle. Babe, he walked out when you were 7 and hasn't been seen or contacted you since. Just say you don't wanna marry me so we can both move on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 173

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 616

You deserved it 3 343