All the FMLs

Wrecked

By Anonymous - 13/04/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my dad is mad at me because I refused to buy a truck. An ugly old Isuzu with two flat tires and a missing headlight, and the owner said it needed a new transmission & brakes, but still wanted $8000. Apparently, without consulting me, Dad promised him I'd buy it as payment for guns he bought. Now he's in debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 76

Mixtapes are my love language

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, at college, the weird guy who stares at me every day came over, said, "I've made you a mixtape," then handed me an old, empty Queen's Greatest Hits CD case and scuttled off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 266

The whole tooth

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 18:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I finally started feeling better after getting a tooth pulled last week. I also started something else: my period, while I was stuck in the dentist's chair during my follow-up appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 82

These aren't moans of pleasure

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I hooked up with a guy I know from the gym. This dude is built like The Hulk, over 6 feet tall and almost 24 stone. We were really getting into it when he slipped and his whole weight went onto my knee, which bent completely the wrong way and dislocated everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 133

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 58 year-old mother told me she’s having a baby. Apparently she hasn’t started menopause yet, but assumed from her age she wouldn’t get pregnant when she started seeing a man she goes to bingo with. 58 years-old. My little brother/sister is going to be 36 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 87

Not taking it well

By runsinthefamily - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Aurora

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 003

You deserved it 4 635

Old soul

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 08:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I realized I’ve become an old woman. I have dentures, wear bifocal glasses, have rheumatoid arthritis, carry a stash of candy in my purse, and got excited when I bought a new potato peeler. I’m only 29, but I’m an old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 150

Don't do it

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 08:00 - United States - Coventry

Today, I finally caved and told a friend about my suicide note. She demanded that I promise I wouldn't follow through, but how could I when I was writing it no more than a few minutes before I joined a call with her? The funny thing is, most of that note was me trying to comfort my friends and family for when I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 221

Fight club

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, my new wife kept taunting and goading my ex into a fight. Now, instead of an amicable co-parenting situation, I have multiple court dates and a child support order. My wife won’t apologize and my ex doesn’t want her around the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 548

Boss makes a pound…

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat down and worked out I get paid £26000 a year for working 40 hours a week. Meanwhile my boss gets paid £115000 to answer emails when he remembers to and to attend 5 hours of mandatory meetings a month, which he now does over video chat from his vacation cottage in Scotland. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 128

Cats rule, dogs drool

By Saved - 11/04/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 88

Entitled

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a customer dumped a hot chocolate on me and yelled, saying it wasn't his order. The order actually belonged to a 4-year-old boy with the same name, who started screaming when he didn't get his chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 357

You deserved it 613

To each their own emergency

By Anonymous - 11/04/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I had to drive my grandmother to the emergency room. I periodically tried to call my parents but neither of them picked up, even when I called the house. We sat there for 6 hours and still no one took her to a room, and no response. Mom finally called back, only to tell me to get her a pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 76

Surf's up

By will - 11/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I finally get to go surfing! On my way out, I got a splinter that’s still way too deep to remove, causing me to cancel the surf day and now it really hurts to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 130

Countersuit

By SientoBenteCar - 11/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 84

Happy something

By Zebracat - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was watching TV and started freaking out thinking I forgot to wish my boyfriend a happy anniversary. I wrote him a text and after I'd sent it, I realized that the date is mine and my ex's anniversary date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 473

You deserved it 56 902

Alexa, play "Paintwork" by The Fall

By Nicky - 11/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, we had painters in the house. My 4 year-old grandson kept telling me, "Grandpa ate the painter's sandwich." While the painters were running an errand, my husband ate their sandwich, then left to go to work. I was left to explain/apologize to the painters that my husband ate their PB&J. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 108

The chills

By Anonymous - 11/04/2024 14:00 - Germany

Today, despite living healthy and being only 40, I have such pathologically cold feet that I can only ever be comfortable while either having them on a hot water bottle or taking a vigorous walk. Everything else feels about as cosy as standing in ice water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 80

What's the word for that sort of thing?

By NotThisAgain - 11/04/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom - Wallsend

Today, it's been 8 years since I relearned to walk with the help of great doctors, hospital staff, physios, and my common mobility aid. It's also the third day in a row that random men have approached me in public to try and school me on how I'm using my aid "wrong" and how they know better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 83

Get out

By Anonymous - 11/04/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's girlfriend, who I’d never met before, openly criticised my two-room flat for not having an extra room to breastfeed her baby in private that wasn’t either my bedroom or bathroom, like she thought they were unclean. How about fuck off to someone else’s flat then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 72

Overwhelmed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2024 06:00 - Germany

Today, any regular person might go to work, exercise, shower, shop for groceries, cook some food and spend time with friends. I barely manage to do ONE of those things on any given day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 193

Karma

By Justwantedathankyou - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Loudon

Today, I noticed that an SUV forgot to put their gas cap back on, so I tried honking and flashing my lights to get their attention. They slammed on their brakes, causing me to rear-end them. So much for good karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 892

You deserved it 1 555

Insult to injury

By Kellie82 - 10/04/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, the homewrecker who stole my boyfriend had the audacity to text me that I have to pay her medical bills from the pounding I gave her when I caught her and my boyfriend red-handed. She doesn’t care that I will now be a single mom of two kids and my only source of income is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 995

Brave and honest

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 14:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I realized that the woman I love, who is my best friend, deserves better than me at the nadir of my life. We're still just friends, but she's been a much better friend to me than I have been to her. It's time to disappear and fix myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 424

We are the 99%

By blahdyblahblah33 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 920

You deserved it 2 771

Mean streets

By fouchi - 10/04/2024 07:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was driving when a couple flipped the bird on me before cutting me off, so I flipped them off back. After they'd got away, another driver thought I'd actually been flipping him off and followed me into a parking lot. This guy was huge, and let’s just say he didn’t give me a chance to explain myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 339

Invaders

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 14:00 - Germany

Today, the snails have been so prolific that not only have I lost any hope of growing vegetables this year, but they have actually eaten all the flowers off my crocuses, and the broom on the terrace looks like it’s wearing hair gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 85

Short-lived

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I’m pregnant and got excited. We’d never discussed kids before since we’ve only been dating a year, but I was so happy… until I told him, and his face just fell. I left after he drank himself unconscious and I’m now at my mum's house FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 636

Hot and heavy

By k…… - 10/04/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, it’s extremely hot, so showering and deodorant does fuck all for my odor. I thought I could get away with having my arms pressed to my sides at all times, but instead, a boy I don’t even know physically lifted my arms above my head and loudly declared that I stank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 117

Unfair!

By sean - 09/04/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, I got a warning at work for wearing my ear studs. Not only have I worn them the whole time for the last year I was here, I was unaware of this “rule.” I also was just told that the female employees are allowed to wear them, but men are not. “It looks unprofessional.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 143

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 4 693

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 529

The Top

Today, I found out I won't be able to go to college. Why? My sister's horse needs surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 352

You deserved it 5 242

Today, four hours before a test, I received an email from my professor saying that the test had been canceled. When I checked my email again before bed, I found another email from my professor saying that his email had been hacked and the test was was still on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 345

You deserved it 3 820

Today, in a rush, I attempted to microwave leftover pizza slices. Unbeknownst to me, I accidentally hit the 'defrost' button, turning the pizza into a lukewarm soggy mess. I guess pizza should never be reheated in 'thaw mode'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 335

Today, a day after being informed that keeping my wallet in my front pocket was "strange", my wallet was stolen from my back pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 608

You deserved it 5 719

Today, on holiday in Japan, I got confused and booked a room in a Love Hotel. I’m single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 93

Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 224

You deserved it 35 039