All the FMLs

Did you smash?

By Silverfeathery - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lewiston

Today, I was making out with a guy in his car, when we decided we needed a minute of fresh air. We stepped out, only to completely lock ourselves out, with our phones and the keys inside. We had to smash a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 873

You deserved it 3 045

Stranded

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband wants a divorce and will be moving out as soon as possible because he can’t stand my mother anymore. He's tired of pushing me to stand up to her, even once, so he's done and is leaving. I’m upset he’s leaving, but I’m equally as upset he’s leaving me alone with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 1 715

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I was expected by my supervisor to drive out to one of our office's server locations. My car was dead and I couldn't go unless he gave me a ride, as he's the only coworker local to me; he couldn't because he's on vacation. I sent him a video of my car failing to crank. He responded, "You need to be more mobile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 148

Bursting with joy

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home and found out that, because of a burst pipe in their house, my husband's brother's family had moved in. They agreed to only smoke outside, but it’s on their clothes so the house already stinks of cigarettes, and their kids have already broken two things, a plate and the fridge door handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 92

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 230

You deserved it 4 591

Controlling

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my soon to be ex-husband and ex-mother in law informed me I couldn't go to the funeral of a really good friend we shared. I went anyway, but I can't imagine how the divorce is going to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 91

Privacy

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my friends and I walked to Dairy Queen after school, and I caught my mom in the Walgreens parking lot right next to Dairy Queen stalking/spying on us. My friends noticed too and made fun of me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 93

Emotional support

By A very comforting thought indeed - 09/04/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, it occurred to me just how dependent I am on my parents, and that I would be totally fucked if something happened to them. The state of the world right now makes it impossible for young people to get anywhere. Especially one who can't drive and can barely talk to anyone without having a panic attack. AKA: Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 543

Fresh-faced

By jakob - 09/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I pulled up to a party with my friends. I never partied in high school and college due to being bullied, so I was excited for my first party. It turned out to be a college house party, I'm a little older by 3 years but it’s no big deal. They mistook me for a freshman and I was bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 135

Chemical warfare

By Anonymous - 08/04/2024 23:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, a sewer main broke just outside of where I work. It smells like a latrine here but we are not allowed to close down, and the county won't do anything about it for two weeks. The only upside is that I'm not dealing with many customers, but having to smell the entire city's feces is way worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 95

Get me the manager

By WhyMe - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 218

You deserved it 4 421

Driving force

By Anonymous - 08/04/2024 15:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, my boyfriend has been unemployed for over six months. He has applied EVERYWHERE with no luck, but he also has the opportunity to start his own business. Instead, he just spends his time sitting in front of the TV all day long. I'm starting to believe he is not a driven man, and I hate that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 264

Won't somebody think of the landlords?!

By Anonymous - 08/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I looked for an affordable home. I'm on SSI but only on a bare minimum (less than $950 a month), but I'm by myself so I thought it wouldn't be a big deal. All the homes in my area are over $1k. When I tried to look for one with less beds and baths, they demanded I make an account before I could search further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 128

Strange encounter

By gill - 08/04/2024 11:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, while I was working at a Rite Aid, the superintendent of the local high school stopped in and was rude to me. I asked if he knew my principal and explained that I graduated from another nearby high school two years ago. Suddenly, the grumpy asshole became the greatest gentleman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 98

Damned if you do…

By ritualdevice - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job, and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 473

You deserved it 2 327

Barbarians

By Anonymous - 08/04/2024 09:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, although I received a good grade for my science project, it was disqualified for the science fair that I'd hoped to enter. A beautiful scale model of our solar system was ruined by the Cro-Magnons in one of the other classes; I found pieces of it scattered all over the classroom. The teacher did nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 80

Lovely, just lovely

By subhuman inbred - 08/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my mom called me a “subhuman inbred.” All because I was fidgeting during church without realizing I was doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 119

Honey, you've got some explaining to do

By darren - 08/04/2024 18:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I went to surprise my girlfriend, who was at work at Target, with flowers. I asked the employee at the entrance if she was there. When he asked who I was, his face lit up red and he started profusely apologizing, stating, “She told me you guys broke up.” before guiding me to her area. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 94

Grow up

By Anonymous - 08/04/2024 17:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I cleaned my 21 year-old son's bedroom from top to bottom. When he got home from work all he could do was complain that the clothes that were on his "floordrobe"’ were "only worn once." This was my only day off, so why do I bother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 671

I told you so

By Anonymous - 07/04/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my dad sent me back and forth repeatedly to the auto parts store for a replacement headlight bulb. He kept insisting that what I brought back was the wrong bulb. I had to drag him there to show I was getting the right one by asking the clerk. He's wrong, but is mad at me for embarrassing him in front of the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 85

What the…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 914

You deserved it 551

Cool beans

By Anonymous - 07/04/2024 18:00 - United States - Marietta

Today, my crush has been acting weird around me with his best friend. He's been totally avoiding me. I talked to his best friend and I asked about the vibe change, and if they're mad at me. He acted a little surprised and casually said, "No… I mean I did shit-talk you for like two hours yesterday, but other than that we're chill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 118

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 07/04/2024 14:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I realized I’m so often high that being sober no longer feels "normal" to me. I don’t know any other way to cope with my emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 564

Classic Mom

By secret - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Ashford

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 452

You deserved it 2 302

Stomy weather

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 07/04/2024 07:00 - United States - Mesa

Today, I looked back on my romantic history: a marriage that ended when my wife cheated on men, four girlfriends who took advantage of me, and my first girlfriend showed up for my first date after putting on stage makeup that made it look like I beat her up just before our date. "Better to have loved and lost," my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 134

Control

By Anonymous - 07/04/2024 08:00 - United States - Yorktown

Today, I was talking with a friend and casually mentioned how close I live to a train station. She said that since we’re both about a day away from NYC, we should meet up there and have a girls trip. I thought it was an awesome idea. When I mentioned it to my fiancé, he freaked about money. The date isn’t even set yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 150

Am I really the asshole here?

By What did she expect? - 07/04/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 118

Road rage

By Anonymous - 07/04/2024 00:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 553

Cursed

By HauntLife - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, rehearsals started for the haunted house I act in. As we were running through the house and reading through our lines, the set designer turned on the hydraulic pump to test something, accidentally causing a tumbling bookshelf effect to go off. Guess where I was standing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 895

You deserved it 302

Poor little dude

By One mad mother - 06/04/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, as a joke, my husband filled my son's airtight water bottle with seltzer water before we went to kindergarten. The top blew off when he tried to drink, hitting him in the nose and spraying him with cold water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 132

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 3 398

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 245

You deserved it 4 765

The Top

Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got along so well that my new girlfriend is going to my ex-wife's house tonight "just to hang out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 439

You deserved it 24 218

Tsk tsk tsk...

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 715

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 446

You deserved it 1 405

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 397

You deserved it 1 914

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 052

You deserved it 9 144

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 282

You deserved it 6 654