Relatable

Asshole design

By mala_19 - 22/09/2023 16:00 - Sweden - Burea

Today, I had to drive through a parking lot that they fucked up so bad that you have to put your car in reverse to go around it. I have to go there 6 times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 101

There is no "normal"

By Anonymous - 22/09/2023 02:00 - United States - Aldie

Today, two years after my toxic and self-centered ex-wife left me, I got remarried, but I feel like it broke my trust in people, which I used to. I now feel I don’t do enough for my present; I do better than most and have got more than average people, but I'm still too hurt and depressed to be normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 200

We're playing those mind games together

By Anonymous - 21/09/2023 08:00

Today, I'm now at the point in my marriage where I’ve stopped caring, so when my wife says, “I’m fine” I’m going to treat her like she’s fine. I’ll maybe post an update with details of how long she goes from, “I’m fine” to screaming at me for not playing along with her mind games anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 163

Balls!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2023 23:02

Today, via legal bollocks, I got nothing from my husband in the divorce, even though he cheated on me. On my wage, I can’t afford to live in this area anymore, so I have to move and quit my job to get another job wherever I end up moving. This is why people hate lawyers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 308

Practice makes perfect

By Anonymous - 20/09/2023 05:00 - Ukraine

Today, I have a permanently injured right hand. Social media star Real86Hands has no hands. Guess which one of us has better penmanship? FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 482

Royal flush

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 04:00

Today, I'm exhausted. My antidepressants ran out, making me overreact to everything. My friends dragged me into really childish drama, resulting in me ditching them. Then my work laptop broke on the most important day of my project. Then I got my first break from work in about a year… and woke up with COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 150

Sounds like a win, somehow

By George - 17/09/2023 14:00

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to shrimp, when I went out for a lunch with my long-term crush after I finally got the courage to ask her out. She's really into seafood. A little while into the afternoon I started to feel itchy. She ended up scratching my back all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 131

Put some steel toe boots on

By TheMadKian - 17/09/2023 10:00

Today, I went to shut the door and ended up banging my toe on my guitar stand; then, as I was getting a snack out of a closet, I banged my toe again on the drawer and now I can't walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 270

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 155

Use your imagination

By ANT-BOOGIE - 16/09/2023 20:00

Today, my boss emailed everyone in the company, thanking us for record sales. As a result, all of us are getting bonuses. The staff responded with how thankful they were. I chimed in, using A.I.'s Chat GPT. It was perfect. My boss responded, "Did you just use Chat GPT?" then put me on blast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 1 168

Doggone right!

By Emilia - 16/09/2023 14:00

Today, my boyfriend went out and bought a pistol. When I asked him in horror why he did such a thing, he said, "It's my God-given right as a US citizen!" We're not even American, we immigrated from the UK, and we were both atheists, or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 398

The opposite of vibing

By AuraOfJustice - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was texting a girl I like. Every message she sent came ten minutes after I sent her a message. When I told her, "I've to go", she responded almost instantly with an, "OK, bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 669

You deserved it 10 030

Gunk

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 15/09/2023 14:00 - Canada - Stittsville

Today, I discovered the filter and drain thingy on my front end loader washing machine. I've had the machine for 7 years. I should've worn a gas mask cleaning it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 319

Anyone could've waltzed in

By DTMM - 15/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was looking for my condo keys, thinking I had left them in my mailbox on the first floor the night before. Leaving to check, I realized I'd forgot to take them out of my door when I had come in, leaving them in the keyhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 529

They're out to get me

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 16:00

Today, the last 8 spiders found in the house have all been in my bedroom. Not the kitchen, or my sister's room, or our parents' room, or front room, laundry, or garage. Always in my room. I’m the only one in the house scared of spiders. The bastards are haunting me, trying to scare me to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 140

Nervous wreck

By jumpy - 14/09/2023 04:00

Today, I was literally startled by my own shadow. I hate having anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 152

Wow, thanks, I'm unfatted

By Shellie - 13/09/2023 20:00

Today, after trying to report my coworkers for bullying me for being fat, HR seriously had the gall to say to not let it get to me and if I’m so bothered by it, then I should do something about it and improve my lifestyle. Apparently, “You can’t control people, but you can control your circumstances.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 476

Classic nice guy rhetoric

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 00:02

Today, the girl I like would rather meet potential partners online, some in different states, and wonders why nothing works out. Apparently the guy who took her on dates, AKA me, is just friend material. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 800

Living beyond your means

By Anonymous - 12/09/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that despite having a full-time job I must really be failing at this adulting business, because I called my dad and the first words out of his mouth were, "I’m not sending you any more money." I do borrow money a lot, and yes I was about to ask for more. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 1 032

Afraid of the dark

By Katie - 12/09/2023 10:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to the restroom at work, but I forgot the press on the button/timer because the lights were already on, then the lights turned off while I was in the stall. I had to finish my business and exit the pitch-black restroom while trying not to bump into anything or anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 198

RIP

By Anon - 11/09/2023 17:00 - New Zealand

Today, while on a nature hike with friends. I tried to take a selfie at the edge of a cliff with the majestic view as a backdrop, but I slipped and dropped my phone. It's now RIP (resting in pieces) at the bottom of a ravine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 1 112

Out of the frying pan, into the fire

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 15:01

Today, I've been home from prison for over a week, I still don't have a job or a vehicle, and my mom keeps checking my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 616

Nolongeracriminal tells us more.

Nolongeracriminal 15

Monday 11 September 2023 14:55

OP here. I have since received an offer, took it, then had multiple offers at other places. Things are working out on this end. Been working all my hours plus some and got a truck. Making a come up after spending 7 years in the clink. Thanks for all the support guys/gals!!! 🙏

Message in a bottle

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 02:30

Today, after growing tired of my friends group leaving me behind every time and having secrets between them, I started to ignore them and stopped following them, without saying anything. They haven't spoken to me since, and it's been 7 months. I'm alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 150

We're sorry

By karmamaybe - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Vermillion

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 224

You deserved it 3 783

Is this a thing?

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 02:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, I have PCOS. So naturally, I have a glorious beard that I can decorate and put beads in, right? Wrong. Instead, I have a patch of fuzz, and a hairy asscrack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 121

Quandary

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 06:02 - Singapore

Today, after my boyfriend left me a few months ago, I'd accepted him back because I wanted to work things out. However, now the pain I had to go through is making me lose sleep, interest, and my self-respect. Ugh! FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 657

Thanks asshat

By DietingTomorrow - 09/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was cleaning a tall window on a stepping stool. All of a sudden, the stool gave way under me, sending me plummeting to the ground. My husband muttered, “Maybe if you laid off the Krispy Kremes this wouldn’t have happened!” laughed and left. My 16 year-old daughter had to drive me to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 182

The indoctrination in the room

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 02:00 - Philippines

Today, I'm a church girl. I grew up believing Christ is my savior and He still is, and I could not live peacefully without Him, but then I started falling in love with a girl, which is clearly written in the Bible to be wrong. I don't know what to do because all I ever want is to love this girl completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 458

This is going to suck

By Anonymous - 08/09/2023 00:02

Today, I unwillingly transferred to a private from a public school this year, due to my parent's rampant political beliefs. Some of the popular girls I went to school with in elementary school also attend this school. I smiled at one of them in the hallway when I saw them this morning. She saw me and rolled her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 143

Dingus magnet

By Creepmagnet - 07/09/2023 08:00

Today, and every day I go out in public, I apparently have a sign on my back saying, “If you’re a creepy old man, please harass and stare at me.” The best part? No one my own age has ever spared me even a second look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 151

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 404

You deserved it 4 549

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 937

You deserved it 6 044

The Top

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 063

You deserved it 2 962

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 946

You deserved it 3 250

Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 371

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 996

You deserved it 30 609

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 143

You deserved it 10 168

Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 608

You deserved it 2 925