Work

Always carry around a pencil with you

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 241

Anyone there?

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 11:01

Today, I'm still waiting for my current job, which gaslit me in various ways for a year, to acknowledge my month's notice. My new job starts in 3 weeks. I'm genuinely not sure if my (ex) managers and HR are all on furlough, or if they're just fucking with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 105

Such a healthy environment

By Predator - 21/03/2021 18:30 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, on my first full day on Marine Corps boot camp, my drill instructor pulled me and another kid in front of 200 other recruits to vote on who was uglier between the two of us. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 210

Noooo, not him

By Jenni - 21/03/2021 23:01

Today, my mother arranged for me to meet the man she is planning to marry. Turns out, my future stepfather is also my creepy old boss, who spent 4 months hitting on me before I quit a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 96

Thanks for the pranks

By jellybeans - 21/03/2021 21:31

Today, I've been sexting a mysterious guy from New Jersey. I was getting hot, so I decided to say, "I want you to be my first." Suddenly, my officemate who was two desks away from me waved her phone in hand and shouted, "You're a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 685

Baker's dozen

By Glenn - 21/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad undermined my life's work. I finally opened my own bakery, but my dad told me it's a "sissies job" since it doesn't involve manual labour like he did for 50 years and I'll probably go out of business, because no one will want cakes from a 6 foot 8 man with tattoos, piercings and a shaved head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 124

Unfair

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 08:01

Today, I was let go from my job for not being able to come into work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 149

Mute

By Gassy Gal - 21/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was feeling gassy at work so I used my mute button. Later on in the day, I realized my mute button was disabled. Everyone heard me fart and it's recorded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 306

USA! **** YEAH!

By dinkley7 - 20/03/2021 21:30

Today, at work, I had to tell someone to put out a cigarette. He yelled at me saying it’s a free country. I work at a gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 68

Odd reason, but OK

By firedsucks - 20/03/2021 17:01

Today I got fired from a very promising new job where I made three times my previous salary from my previous job. Why? Because of a personal belonging, my bumper sticker that says, "How’s my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 2 386

Freudian slip

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 03:01 - United States - Trenton

Today, while spacing out about my hot male boss, he called my name for something and I replied, "Yes Daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 412

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 00:01 - Australia

Today, after finishing work and collecting my bag from my locker, I yawned as my manager came to ask me a question. She yelled at me for yawning. She then told others that I have a chronic yawning problem at work and need medical intervention. I can't even yawn once after a long tiring day on my own time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 92

The receipts, the tea

By over and over it - 19/03/2021 16:30 - United States

Today, I found out a guy I used to date is trying to get me fired from my dream job. He found an old flip phone with a text argument we had nearly 17 years ago. He wants me punished for things I said when I was an angry 15 year old-kid. HR is now looking into the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 119

The Groucho Marx of Zoom

By Anonymous - 19/03/2021 21:30

Today, I was on a work call when my coworker made an accidental Freudian slip. Thinking I was muted, I muttered, "That’s what she said." I wasn’t muted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 978

The step before rat-licker

By Annabelle - 17/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 1 213

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By lazydude - 17/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got hired and now I have to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 1 610

Don't leave my baby boy

By Julia - 17/03/2021 02:01

Today, after a year of unemployment due to my industry shutdown, I finally got a job offer. It involves overseas travel. After being cooped up a year, I'm thrilled! My boyfriend's mother is willing to pay my rent and bills for me to stay home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 170

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 20:30 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I came home upset about the sexism in my work place. I just wanted to be alone, but my husband insisted we talk about it. I noticed he kept looking over and one of his hands was moving. He was playing video games the entire time I was spilling my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 230

A slight hiccup

By maddie - 14/03/2021 21:30

Today, I got the hiccups at work no fewer than ten times in a row. I'm a cashier and not allowed to leave to go get water. Not only that, but I was called into the office to discuss my “drinking problem.” I don’t drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 48

Always check for ****

By Anistoncole - 13/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was showing why we picked the colour in our posters and ads for my department. I used a video to explain; I hadn't watched the full video. I skipped to halfway through and there was a picture of a naked woman with starfish on her tits. Everyone kinda went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 1 283

Clerks 3

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 15:30 - United States - Brunswick

Today, at my store, I had an old man violently accuse me of charging him for an extra pack of 99¢ Mounds candy yesterday. He held up my line for 10 minutes, fighting me about it. I didn't even work yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 94

Uber Thiefs

By lukey101 - 12/03/2021 02:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my Uber passenger stole one of the rear floor mats out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 97

Management balls-up

By lene - 11/03/2021 04:57

Today, I was fired for not completing the required computer training, which no one told me about. I was told that it's my responsibility to check it every week. It would have been nice if a single one of my supervisors had given me any indication whatsoever that this was the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 156

Communication Breakdown

By rosie - 08/03/2021 13:59

Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 72

Nighty night

By leogs23 - 07/03/2021 14:02

Today, I got into trouble for sleeping at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 802

I'm late… for business!

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 17:01 - Australia - Crows Nest

Today, the magazine that had my ad in it came out. There’s never been an ad for my niche before. But there was a bigger, better ad for exactly the same thing before mine. Yet another failed business idea for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 96

Impressive

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 08:01

Today, I had a big job interview on Zoom. I forgot my name was set as "Fat F***". I joined the call and the older lady interviewing me was very offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 1 506

Help needed

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 22:56

Today, I've been asking for help to close up store for the last 7 months, at the height of a global pandemic. My boss's excuse for no help? Joe Biden and the government is keeping everyone who would earn 10 dollars an hour from working, because they are all lazy. Joe wasn't president 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 157

Admit you're shit

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 20:02 - Australia

Today, I found out that one of my coworkers, who has been with the company for less than a week, is getting a $7k pay rise. I've been with the company for 8 months and still on minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 148

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 14:30 - United States - Alexandria

Today I was offered an opportunity on Instagram from a local lady to take photos of her home for her. I told my friends, because I was shocked. They were shocked too. But in the nicest terms possible, they were shocked because my Instagram "isn’t really professional enough to get such offers." Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 172

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 538

You deserved it 10 056

Today, I have a stutter that gets worse with stress. We got a new supervisor today and the first thing she said to me was, “Either spit it out or write it in an email, for fuck's sake!” I’m now so scared of her, I go almost mute if we’re in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 93

The Top

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 895

You deserved it 4 907

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 780

You deserved it 4 632

Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 131

Today, I learned to never eat chicken wings, loaded mashed potatoes with sour cream, cheese, bacon, ranch, and bubbly soda prior to a esthetician appointment. I had uncontrollable gas and made the most foul smelling farts in her face while she was trying to wax my butthole. I was asked to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 2 205

Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 559

You deserved it 7 876

Today, I put solar lights in my yard to finally figure out what my dog has been chasing over the fence at night. It's rats. She's been chasing rats that have invaded my backyard every night for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 147