Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 06/12/2020 15:23 - Germany - Norden

Today my family planned an everything-must-go yard sale at my deceased granny's house without even telling me. No problem, right? Except I'm the one person who is actually living in granny's house. I also won't get any of the profits because, guess what, I didn't participate in the planning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 13:56 - United States

Today, I am bleeding heavier than I ever have in my life and cramping so severely from my period I’m considering going to Urgent Care because I think something must be wrong. Today is also the anniversary of my miscarriage.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 22:15

Today, I woke up this morning, and the year 2020 has still not ended yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 02:23

Today my sisters bird died. Earlier this week my dog of 15 years passed away. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 21:20

Today, while going to the bathroom at the office, my work truck keys slipped out of my sweatshirt and landed straight into a pile of poop... FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 18:37

Today, I experienced my second miscarriage. So in total this year I have lost one Grandpa in July, had my first miscarriage in August, lost another Grandpa in September, lost a sister in law to suicide in September and my second miscarriage in December. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 10

By fml9124 - 03/12/2020 16:57

Today, my 14 year old step-daughter found my old law enforcement textbooks in a box in the attic. Her favorite: Practical Homicide Investigation, 3rd edition. She loves it. My wife is super mad at me. There's photos of murdered people sprinkled throughout the book, many of them nude. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 02/12/2020 18:46 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mom snooped around in my stuff and read my diary. It contained every deep dark secret I had, including depression and contemplating suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 6

By Elizabeth - 02/12/2020 08:02

Today during oral sex my wife tried to stick her finger in my bum even though neither her nor I have ever before had an interest in butt stuff. I started bleeding really bad and at hospital they found she had hit and burst a swollen blood vessel FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 02/12/2020 07:10

Today, I finally got tired of waiting for my SO to take out the trash. I went to pull the trash bag out and wondered when we had rice until I saw it moving. There was maggots in the trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 22:45 - United States - Bridgeport

Today I was caught having a threesome by mom right before I busted a nut.FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 61

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 05:24

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating is actually my cousin. My mom and her sister (his mom) have hated each other since birth, and both moved away and never talked to each other again. Long story short, I took him to meet my parents, and my mom told me that my boyfriend is ACTUALLY my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 4

By Whiskerbiscuit - 29/11/2020 19:45 - United States

Today, while have sex with the wife I heard a noise. I turned and saw our 1 year old son sitting on the end of the bed. He was looking away so I'm not sure what he saw or how long he was there. We laughed our selves silly put him back to bed and resumed our activities.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 22

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:55 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I taught an SAT prep course. After I explained what the word "opaque" meant, a student said: "Oh, like your white pants are not opaque because we can see your Hello Kitty underwear?" As I bent down to pick up my bag, my pants split. "Now they're DEFINITELY not opaque!" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 18:35

Today, i had a mandatory geography fieldtrip, but while i was there i had a seizure meaning I couldn't leave the hostel on the second day and forgot most of what happened on the first. now I'm being told i have to spend upwards of £200 (college paid for original trip) so i can redo the fieldwork on my own or i will fail.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 17:53 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I finished up a catering job with a massive satay sauce explosion, the ginger had fermented and the sauce splattered all over our five star room. I had to scrub under high pressure, while cooking. The owner was gracious about it until my friend made big deal about given the room a paint job. FML and FMF.

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 22:06 - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, After 50 times recording, my speech was finished. It fucked up my mouth my tounge and my soul. Then with just a misclick, my life ended up with depresses. Now I'm mentally BREAkIng Down, FML and flipgrid sucks.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 11

By tortilla - 27/11/2020 15:42 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I was petting my cat. I went to kiss his head, but he turned around and I kissed his butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 38

By Douglas F Forman - 28/11/2020 00:34

Today, My manager without reading a manual, SOP or even logging into the system criticized the system as being poor and not well thought out while in a meeting with about a dozen employees.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 02:37

Today, My girlfriend tested positive for covid and now I have to quarantine on thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 00:45 - United States - Nottingham

Today, My sister has her friends over. It’s 12:42 am. They are being loud. I got school later. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 8

By Ena Jddj - 24/11/2020 20:19 - Canada

Today.. I was at this guys birthday party, we been hooking up for a few months. I just survived cancer so I lost my hair, this other guy comes and pull my hat off and everyone saw I had no hair... they played it off but still FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 18:05 - Montenegro - Bar

Today, my long term boyfriend decided to convert to islam and completely throw me out of his life after all we have been through just because I wasn't a muslim. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 21:36 - India - Gurgaon

Today my father diagnosed with final stage prostate cancer and doctor told me my life expectancy is also less due to hereditary FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 10:34 - United States

Today, I've learned in the last two months that pregnant women are unhireable in the trucking world. Been unemployed for six months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 10

By Leah Truncale - 22/11/2020 22:37 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I realized that I have 2 10-page essays and 21 assignments due at midnight. It's 10:37, and I haven't even finished one essay yet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 14:52 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, i was playing my piano in the public i was having the best time of my life but than i HIT THE WRONG NOTE IN THE BEST PART i was so embarrassed people was whispering and i thought it couldn't get worse than i realized i forgot to hit the pedal the whole time i was so embarrassed FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 07:55

Today, The girl i loved told me she was pregnant. It was the other guy’s baby.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 18:35 - United States - Dallas

Today I was told by my supervisor that I had to complete my flu vaccination since it was way overdue. I go to our local pharmacy since I work in a hospital to get it, and failed to realize that I forgot to reinstate my insurance through my employer and ended up paying a $25 copay.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 01:33

Today, being away from my fiance I decided to send a raunchy recording to him. Right as I hit send he brought up religion and never listened to the recording. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 12

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while applying deodorant, my mom came up behind me slapped the stick out of my hand, and confiscated it, saying, “No one needs deodorant when it’s this cold.” At work, I got so many complaints about my B.O that I was sent home to go take a shower. I shower every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 162

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 937

You deserved it 6 044

The Top

Today, a lady told me her husband had sinus surgery. I replied, "Oh, I know someone who just had that done." I then realized I meant Alexis on The Real Housewives of the OC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 157

You deserved it 28 372

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 523

You deserved it 4 299

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 4 200

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 237

You deserved it 3 827

Today, my teeth are very sensitive and hold a grudge, so since getting a cavity fixed a month ago, I’ve had a good side and a bad side to chew on (or rather: not chew on). Unfortunately, I had to see the dentist again for another cavity, and now what used to be my bad side is now my good side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 119

Today, I’ve been horny for weeks on end. Because I’m on antidepressants, I can’t orgasm, so the horniness won’t go away. The only thing I do is go to the gym, where literally EVERYONE seems fuckable. While I’m not depressed anymore, my vagina is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 180