Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 19:38 - United States - Lewiston

Today I’ve been married to an Asshole for over 34 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 69

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 17:37 - United States - Phoenix

Today I learned that I'm the product of rape. My mom never intended for me to know but I overheard her telling her therapist during their video chat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 2

By Regretting the purchase - 06/10/2020 22:12 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, Months ago I bought a t-shirt for my brother’s birthday which is coming up in November. It was of a corgi with its bottom facing the audience with a tag line “I like furry butts.” His corgi had to be put down two weeks ago.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 23:34 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today... once again, I had to endure my mother complaining about her computer issues like a broken record. She doesn't want you to do anything but listen to her gripe. Add in a visit to memory lane to old family drama before I was born and I'm half tempted to end myself in lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 17:26 - Philippines - Liberty

Today is the beginning of our class. We had graded recitation so we were all terrified and nervous. I try to relieve my classmate by saying that the chances of picking him is small because we're many, then I was called. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 20:34 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I have a friend who's been on and off drugs. I have kept contact and tried to help. She's had 3 overdoses and I have tried to help because she seemed like she needs it but less than a month and its back. Then she calls me up crying about how much she loves the buzz and honestly, I am sick and tired of it.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 09:09 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I met a really cool chick and I wanted to make her day better by getting her Starbucks. So I downloaded the app, made an account, loaded it with money, and sent her the username and password. Apparantly i spell pumkin phonetically. She ended up locking the account out for 24hrs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 12:53

Today, or tonight that is, I gave into my deep depression and contacted a Lifeline (you know the one.) An hour of waiting, then the counselor joins, listens, then responds, "Get your mind off of it by planning your prom, or sewing a dress, or painting your nails!" The application clearly shows I'm an adult man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 12:09

Today, Went to submit some pages from a book I wrote with my mom who died. Lost entire inheritance to publishing company. Literary Agents and book bloggers turned it down. No sales. Didn't know why. Then I saw how many spelling errors were in it. Ran to look at my physical copies. The Publishing company did not edit a thing.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 01:36 - United States

Today, I heard my president contracted the Coronavirus, and I was actually excited. So I realized this is the world I live in now. My country did this to itself. How depressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 30

By haimynameis - 28/09/2020 13:21 - United Kingdom

Today I saw yet another advert for cleaning earwax on the FML site. It's so graphic it makes me want to barf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 07:27

Today, So after my long and hard job search I landed two jobs in one day so after telling my current boss to kiss my butt i got ready for the first job I got into a car accident otw there totaling my car and the other drivers car (not my fault btw) so now I’m unemployed and I don’t have a car now FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 8

By Cat mom - 24/09/2020 16:49 - United States - Providence

Today, I found out that my cat, who I loved like a child, had aggressive cancer in at least four different places. He'd been sick for a while and was treated for an abscess on his leg. It wasn't an abscess. I had to put him to sleep the same day he was diagnosed because he couldn't breathe. He was 6 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 2

By Justkidding100 - 24/09/2020 13:46 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I realized that I never restored the ad free version of FML from when I got a new phone… two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 23/09/2020 15:32 - Croatia

Today, i had a car accident. Nothing serious but my car is wrecked. To make things worse, i was late to my final exam in college, failed the class and now need to pay both car repair and tuition for the entire year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 2

By hashtag veggie life - 21/09/2020 15:19 - United States - Hesperia

Today the guys at work have been giving me absolute hell over how I pack my lunches as I eat “like a bitch.” Apparently being a mechanic means I should walk around farty and bloated from greasy fast food like the rest of them. Sorry for liking salads and chicken breast. Health be damned right? Fml

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 02:18

Today I found out through Facebook that my fuck buddy and crush is dating someone. We agreed we'd tell each other if we started dating or fucking someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 18:40 - United Kingdom

Today my gf told me she’d left me a present in bed, it was her lace thong, so I masturbated into it like she’s asked me to do before. A few minutes later my gf asked if I enjoyed the chocolate bar she’d left under the pillow, then my sister asked if I’d seen her thong which the dog had stolen FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 10:08 - United States - Allentown

Today, the wife came upstairs but saw I was on the phone. After the call, I went to check on her and she let me know she was in the mood, which only happens once every 3-4 years but was no longer in the mood just 30 minutes after. We haven't had any spousal fun in 8 years. Wrong time for a phone call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 06:51

Today is my birthday. My girlfriend decided that Today was a good day to break up with me. It wasn't a nice breakup. She decided to humiliate me in public and blamed everything on me even though none of it was my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 19:09 - United States

Today, My husband literally sits in a chair all day long. I do everything at home including mowing our acre and a half. I wish i had a partner and not just another person to clean up after. :(. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 13/09/2020 14:51 - United Kingdom

Today it’s been so long since I had sex I’ve forgotten to shave my legs before leaving the house so now I can’t drag my tinder date home for sex because I look like chewbaccas little sister downstairs. Guess I have to wait for next weekend instead damn it FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 44

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 07:41

Today, I accidentally sent my mom a sexually inappropriate meme that was meant for my husband... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 78

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 00:32 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, I finally found strength and left my narcissistic boyfriend who I became completely dependent on during the pandemic because of my OCD, I am now in a hotel totally on my own. Tomorrow our area goes into lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 18:50 - Turkey - Ankara

Today I had something physical with the guy that I liked for a really long time, I was so nervous and kept talking, mostly sarcasticly. He was suprised with every word and critism he heard from me, but then couldn't stand it any longer and told me to shut up. I don't think he'll call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 55

By Adrian Li - 07/09/2020 14:37 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I wanted to practice my cello during online class, so I pulled it out. My classmates heard, but I didn't care because I thought they would be nice to me. However, this one moron told me off to the teacher, who entered the breakout room. The teacher yelled at me for not paying attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 06/09/2020 14:53

Today, my husband’s girlfriend made an unexpected ultimatum; either I accept she and my husband having children, or she leaves immediately. My husband doesn’t understand why I have a problem with this, and has insinuated that if she leaves because of this he won’t want me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 21

By Anonymous - 04/09/2020 12:11 - India - Mumbai

Today almost after six months of pampering my long distance gf with gifts, and not asking for our getting anything in return, she tells me she wants to break up because I'm not satisfying her needs. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 19

By Dayna - 02/09/2020 20:18

Today, I found out my ex had been sleeping with his bestfriend’s girlfriend the entire 2 years behind my back. She’s 25 years older than us and has 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 6

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The Top

Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2 month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk whenever they make a noise. My fridge started beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, "It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 480

You deserved it 1 481

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 687

You deserved it 4 010

The Top

Today, I was told how cruel and selfish I am for rubbing my weight loss in my mom’s face. I’ve literally begged my mom to walk, jog, workout with me for months. She went exactly once. She complained the whole time, then called me a bitch for finishing my run while she sat in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 116

Today, I took the lid off my slow cooker to serve up a casserole that had been 12 hours in the making. A cockroach took the opportunity to dive in. My husband and I are now eating toast, while the delicious smell of casserole taunts us from the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 013

You deserved it 4 523

Today, I was minding my own business when the guy I have a crush on sat down next to me at work, explained that he heard that I had a crush on him and that he was flattered, but that we should "be friends" because I'm a "nice girl". I was rejected by someone I didn't even pursue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 180

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 392

You deserved it 423

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 536

You deserved it 4 614

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 963

You deserved it 2 914