Awkward, Wanker and Intimacy: Alone time - FML

Alone time

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Spicy

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 960

You deserved it 3 773

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 10:05 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 189

You deserved it 5 303

By PizzaNIF - 13/07/2016 17:58 - United States - Henderson

Spicy

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 836

You deserved it 1 334

Stop right now!

By Anonymous - 02/06/2013 22:36 - United Kingdom - Grays

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 009

You deserved it 7 579

By ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 261

You deserved it 8 253

Old school cool

By Chimychunga - 01/08/2010 06:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 325

You deserved it 5 644

By Bisounours - 22/07/2011 11:23 - France

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 811

You deserved it 1 414

By beachbumb8538 - 15/07/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 750

You deserved it 5 271

When pranks go too far

By ObviousBooty - 17/07/2016 07:31 - United States - Kankakee

Spicy

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 143

You deserved it 3 846

By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 363

You deserved it 13 426

By ;)loganberry(; - 27/12/2011 17:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 691

You deserved it 50 414

Next

Top comments

iAlissa 34

Thursday 22 October 2015 0:41

That's a huge Dumbledon't

pokemyeyes 23

Thursday 22 October 2015 0:43

"Polishing his wand" *gag* Graphic choice of words there op

Comments

klirrivirri 9

Monday 26 October 2015 13:59

make sense.. to play with his magic stick watching a wizard movie

noreallyitsjess 2

Tuesday 27 October 2015 21:39

Well that's something you'd Neville want to walk in on

Michal99 12

Tuesday 27 October 2015 23:22

i didn't know harry potter had **** lmfao!

Freewingradical 4

Friday 30 October 2015 22:52

Grow up, you just realised that your father is a human being.With questionable taste in ****.

LuvelyGirl 9

Sunday 1 November 2015 5:34

You're a pornstar Harry

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, a friend and I tell each other everything about our relationships, and we’ve been flirting for two years, but we’re not together. I started to have feelings for him, but I didn’t say anything, then the guy started to disappear and I don't know if he has an avoidant attachment, or he's just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 495

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 471

The Top

Today, after getting ghosted by a company for a job I really wanted, I posted on LinkedIn, venting my frustration with companies not having the decency to send rejection letters. My current boss, who didn't know I was job hunting, saw it, and let me know I'm now on the shit list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 984

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 205

You deserved it 3 493

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 945

You deserved it 7 605

Today, my boss said he was giving me a significant raise. After he requested the payroll department to raise my salary they informed him he needed to fill out a one-sheet form. He took my raise away because he didn't want to fill the sheet out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 884

You deserved it 2 744

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 811

You deserved it 2 566

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 547

You deserved it 6 929