But…
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I hated working in retail. Don't worry OP, karma's a bitch. Your boss will get what's coming to him.
Wow your boss is a dick. Don't let him bully you got like that
That's when you make him listen by yelling !
I am sorry but is it so hard to say"I am not working today!" in a stern but respectable tone. I think if you just said it without beating around the bush he would have gotten the idea and left you alone. If not go to HR and explain to them. But I would not have even followed him to sign the write-up sheet. I would have just shopped around. And if he had a problem with it maybe he would listen as to why you are shopping and not going with him. Then maybe he would listen.
But OP did say that they weren't working that day. If the boss is so mean and irritable not to listen to OP in the first place, no tone of OP's can fix such an attitude.
Oh the joys of working retail. How I miss those days. The stupidity of the customers. The idiocy of the managers. The corporate policies. Man those were the best days of my life.
Keywords
Some people need a brick to the face for how uptight they are. Sheesh. Go to HR. That's bogus.
Wow, that's bullshit. I wouldn't even sign that write up. Sorry you have such an ass of a boss.