Miscellaneous: Dirty mind

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 15:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 784

You deserved it 2 960

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Same thing different taste

Lingo

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 08:02

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 1 499

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - 17/09/2019 06:00

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 319

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 12:03

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 204

By momlife - 28/03/2016 20:45 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 129

You deserved it 2 088

By marisacb - 13/03/2013 18:52 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 299

You deserved it 7 731

By qtpieo1 - 13/08/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 510

You deserved it 9 734

Great, thanks, I hate you

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 18:09 - Greece

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 244

You deserved it 4 694

By shizzy09 - 13/04/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 507

You deserved it 5 137

Pissed

By pl. - 03/06/2021 21:59

Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 165

By Teach - 31/03/2015 07:40 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 433

You deserved it 2 546

Mideoyeo 12

Monday 25 June 2012 18:59

Its like people don't even think things through these days

gojira666 7

Monday 25 June 2012 18:59

Thats where my mind went too....

Comments

drawmyhearton_fml 3

Tuesday 26 June 2012 4:59

Are there really people who say "drop the children at the pool" and mean it as "taking a dump" ? O_e if so, that's a really weird expression!

False_Stupidity 41

Tuesday 26 June 2012 5:06

Your friend is sick to death of you find new friends

baubabe05 3

Tuesday 26 June 2012 5:24

I am happy to say that I didn't think that what so ever!

rebeccac3 5

Tuesday 26 June 2012 5:44

Omg that I why I thought too! But--your friend sounds like a total Bitch)

melrose90210 10

Tuesday 26 June 2012 5:53

I haven't heard someone say that since jr high.

cmb8280 24

Tuesday 26 June 2012 6:50

Ppl ruins these FMLs by being all serious and trying to give advice. This is hilarious!!

MerrikBarbarian 9

Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:38

Am I the only one who thought instantly of the Everything Comes Down to Poo song from Scrubs?

aprilita 8

Tuesday 26 June 2012 9:50

I truly don't understand how this is an FML, **** your life because your friend thought you had to go take a dump..? Waste of an FML

Arrawyn 12

Tuesday 26 June 2012 13:26

I assumed you meant swimming pool from the start. Your friends aren't the brightest OP

nattyuce 0

Tuesday 26 June 2012 17:55

Hahahaha I laughed so hard when I read this you need new friends if they are serious about that haha

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Management Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, my wife waited until we’d been married for two weeks to tell me she has a mountain of credit card debt that she’s been hiding from me. This explains why she insisted the mortgage and car be in my name, her credit score is so low that it’s almost a double digit FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 131

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 049

You deserved it 408

The Top

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 624

You deserved it 2 659

Today, I tried to impress my boss with my knowledge of a subject and ended up sounding like a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 094

Today, I found out that the mice infestations I've been fighting for the last two weeks was actually a recurring series of tactile/visual/auditory hallucinations, a side effect of a normal, prescribed, dosage of ADHD meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 125

Today, I contemplated leaving my husband because his best friend is overbearing and doesn't respect the boundaries of our relationship, all while talking bad about me to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 140

Today, due to problems with my ears overproducing wax, I got my own water ear cleaner. I then learned that there's a reason doctors use warm water with it. As it turns out, if you don't use warm water, you get nauseous and begin heavily favoring one side of your body, appearing as though you're recovering from a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 173

Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 009

You deserved it 5 333