Poopoo peepee, Dad jokes and Health: Enough with the puns

Enough with the puns

By fuckmuppet - 27/05/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 744

You deserved it 7 484

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Same thing different taste

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I have an awful stomach virus. I can only drink liquids and can't eat anything solid, especially anything spicy. My dad forced me to eat the fajitas he'd made for dinner and screamed at me when I told him I couldn't, then screamed at me again for "wasting food" when I predictably threw up all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 86

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 3 073

By green and not with envy - 13/06/2014 20:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 781

You deserved it 5 802

By mikey51 - 10/03/2012 01:56 - Australia

Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 632

You deserved it 41 587

I told you so

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my parents brought home lunch from a shady grocery store deli. They mused about how hard I am to feed because I turned it down; the last time I ate anything from there, it gave me botulism, and it tastes horrible anyway. They both got sick. Now I'm playing nurse to both. No apologies yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 68

All you can eat buffet of shit

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 98

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 447

You deserved it 11 656

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 772

You deserved it 3 361

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 295

You deserved it 7 527

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 17:30

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 032

You deserved it 194

laurenlovesjb 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:14

I was recently on a 2-week Europe tour with my Rotary Exchange District and got food poisoning the first day. Our trip chaperone kept making pregnancy jokes at me the whole time on our way to the doctor's. I know your pain. Also, we practically lived on a bus...

JustinKirby 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:18

Make a complaint to the restaurant that their food made you sick, hopefully they don't just try to give you a new meal free ending you up in the same situation.

Comments

RinzeN87 1

Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:43

Oh come on, your dad's just doing that for ***** and giggles!

NodakN8V 25

Wednesday 28 May 2014 17:14

Peter Griffin: *toilet flush* Shit House

Ariana_Grande_fml 8

Wednesday 28 May 2014 19:12

U got a pretty shitty dad. Where did u eat?

WMFG16 14

Wednesday 28 May 2014 20:01

God's last name isn't damn.. You disrespectful douche.

VanOBrien 14

Wednesday 28 May 2014 20:36

I have a very sensitive digestive system and my friends and family take great joy in insulting or giving me a difficult time about it. Instead of suffering with it, any time I knew I'd have a horrendous odor coming on, I'd pause by their chair until the last possible moment - then. let it explode before running to the bathroom to do my business. Enough times of making everyone lose their appetite and they finally got the hint.

people_annoy_me 23

Wednesday 28 May 2014 22:11

Or stab him in the eye with a butter knife

people_annoy_me 23

Wednesday 28 May 2014 22:13

Divergent reference - sorry if you don't get it

CzarLaval 9

Wednesday 28 May 2014 22:32

Common everyones like " ohhh fml my loved ones are making fun of me" i mean really its just a joke, least your family has a sense of humor.

cheshireau 26

Wednesday 28 May 2014 23:03

Dad's are terrible! I had to borrow money for tablets to stop Gastro once. Come pay day, asked for the money for my 'shit tablets' in the middle of the shops. You just shake your head at them.