Oooh, bollocks!

You must be pretty small to have room for a ******** in there too. :/

I dont see what why people say grow some balls those things are sensitive. You want a ****** those things can take a pounding.

Betty White?

When it gets sucked into the tube where does it go?

47 - The average penis size of a man is 5.5 inches. The average penis size of a man that uses a penis pump is 3.5 inches. And the average penis size of a man who looks up the average penis size of a man is 2.5 inches. :(

130, I can honestly say I learned something today. Well, that and I need a ruler.

I've never heard a good idea that involved a penis pump.

130: Not true, Brightside! Every dude everywhere is curious about how they "measure up" at least once in their life.

130 - But what's the average penis size of a woman?

Stolen from Betty White

Did this story make anyone else think of Austin Powers?

uhh, mrbrightside21, I can only presume that you have a 2.5inch penis because you seem to know the "average" size so you must have looked up the "average" size

Bravo, 216. You understood the joke!

I need a laugh thanks op

Uhm no. You don't have to be small to get a ******** sucked into a penis pump. Do research before trying to be a dick.

Haha I get it!

I had no idea it was from betty white I honestly came up with it myself. Hell I dont even know who or what betty white is.

267 - I'm assuming you know this from personal experience..?

Bullshit # 302, u didn't come up with that. And there's no way you don't know " who or what a " is.

i heard the average size is 6

Good for you...

130 Stolen from Bo Burnham, but you changed it.

Yeah, but isn't being lopsided worse?

When I meant who or what I meant if she is a real person or a character I dont know who betty white is and I never heard of here before

lol yes that actually came to my mind 211

that comment was to 211

Justine* She* ;D

Shit. You're right...

You might wanna move on with the JB jokes they're pretty ancient. Like your mom.

"your mom" jokes are the original brand new jokes it seems. *thinking face*

24- Well it's a good thing the 'your mom' jokes aren't ancient though

34-Woah, that was so funny...

34 - Does Justin Bieber have a reputation for having sex with lots of mildly unattractive women? Being as I'm not 12, I don't follow the lives of prepubescent pop-stars, but I can't help but wonder what you meant by that comment.

Now don't go insulting me 13!!!

What a loser.

Because he has no penis, and he likes men, he had facial reconstruction to look like a boy.

Facial reconstruction that didn't work

26, I wasn't trying to be funny, darling. I was showing how crappy JB and your mom jokes are.

I know I'm going to get ultimately thumbed down for this but to be honest I don't get what you people get out of insulting the poor kid. He didn't do anything to you. And maybe he HAD a higher voice but that doesn't mean he wasnt talented. And if you listen to his newest album you would see his voice is a lot deeper now. He's won many awards like most views on YouTube and lotssss of others. Hes called "the King of YouTube" and "Prince of Pop" and is compared to Micheal Jackson. Also he sold out MSG in 22 minutes on his FIRST try and this time (his second time on tour) he sold out multiple shows in the Garden in just 30 seconds. Oh and he sold out his WORLD tour in an hour. The worst part about all of this is that all you people making fun of him don't even know how to spell his name right. It's spelled BIEBER and you guys spell it Beiber. So yeah I'm a fan but I just want the jokes and bullying to stop.

Until he/it disappears from the public eye, it'll never stop. And frankly, I enjoy a good Justin Beiber bash. They're very entertaining and it's fun to see how many people actually hate him, and his music and whatever else about him is out there.

129 hes only "popular" because the people of today have absolutely no freakin talent thats why the little girl won all that stuff

It takes six producers and four song writers to write a shitty song where all he does is say Baby, oh Baby... to the same repetitive beat, and somehow that's called a hit song. That's for JB. Now take a look at actual music where it takes knowledge and skill to sing/write a song, (referring to a classic JB vs. Queen music Meme reference), it took one producer and singer/song writer( that being Freddy Mercury) to produce several hit songs that have been around for decades. That's why people with a decent taste in music hate JB so much. Nobody wants to hear a prepubescent kid make millions of dollars saying the same phrase over and over again to a shitty background fx loop

138 thankyou someone agrees

142 why don't you bitch some more about the most untalentless piece of trash to come out of canada

Way to go! I love him and don't see why people always pick on him.

143- correction I stand up for myself and others

You want a cookie

To be completely honest, I think he has a good voice. He has potential talent, but I hate his songs. Maybe people would be more accepting if he stopped trying to act black and realized that "swag" isn't funny anymore.

142--yeah, because now JB songs sophisticated lyrics like "I can be your Buzz Lightyear" and "Swag swag swag." what an enormous douche.

JB, may be all those things but he's got more $$$ than all of us put together and his millions of little girl followers could mob and kick all of our asses at once.

He'll fall out of popularity in a few years, and hopefully the world can get back to producing/listening to good music. Until then, I'm sticking to my Van Halen and Aerosmith.

I am an ex-fan but still, l i find his new Songs to be good, just as his old ones:)

Yikes. Chill out. It's just Justin Bieber

This chicks name is a crappy reference to n***as in Paris stop talking to her she's retarded

138: Good point. I remember a few months ago, a friend of mine made a joke when he saw Justin. He said "Quick! Somebody kill it before it lays eggs!" Now we have One Direction. We were too late.

129- The fact that you have to defend him with " he won an award for most views on YouTube" shows how little talent he actually has. You know what the most viewed video on YouTube is? Charlie bit my finger. A two year old child can get close to a billion views on YouTube, so saying he got awards for YouTube views means nothing.

This would've been funny 2 years ago. I can't stand listening to his music but all the jokes are pathetic. You guys probably still make twilight jokes too. Get some new material.

138 - WEll said my friend!! 129/142 (KrayKrayGurl117)- Youtube wasn't around when Queen came out, and they still had one of the biggest fan bases known to man. over 300 million albums sold world wide, their albums spent a combined total of 26 YEARS at number one, and they have had a hit musical (One that has been named the best of it's time, on more than one occasion) created in their memory. Oh and oh yeah, Bohemian Rhapsody was voted 'Favourite hit of all time'. Bieber may be the Prince, but Freddy Mercury and Queen will always be the Kings! RIP Freddy Mercury - The original King of Rock!

I'll probably be thumbed down for this too but I'm annoyed with the Internet's general "I hate whatever's popular" thing. When I was a kid, it was the Backstreet Boys. Now it seems to be Bieber and Facebook. How cute that you dislike things that millions of people like. Not really. I look at it as people trying to be cool nonconformists, but really conforming in this weird anti-popular-stuff thing. No, I'm not a fan of the kid, I only know what one of his songs sounds like, but he's just a kid (or an adult now I guess) trying to do his thing. And the jokes are getting old. "ZOMG someone said Justine Beaver/Facebook/reality shows/some other random popular shit are wack! That's soo cool! Let's thumb them up in droves!" Disliking Justin Bieber does not make you cool. It just makes you look pathetic for caring so much about some kid's life and jumping on that anti-popular-thing bandwagon. Get. A. Life. And direct all that NEGATIVE energy into something positive.

You guys do realize, talented or not, Justin Bieber is having the last laugh?

I agree 181. It's sad how a lot of people are. Sure I don't listen to his music but I don't rag on the guy every chance I get. Live your life and he will live his, I don't see why that's such a hard concept to grasp.

I thought all the Justin Bieber jokes died down and everyone moved onto One Erection :/

129- I'm sorry, but if you're going to chew us out for misspelling that prepubescent pop star's name, then you should have the courtesy of spelling *Michael*Jackson's name correctly.

181- thank you, I'm glad someone acknowledged that.

Hey 143 "untalentless" isn't a word, and if it was, it would mean "talented". English is serious business, bro.

Among others, I love Freddie Mercury and Queen! Period! I'm with the anti-BIEBER (check spelling) group simply because he will NOT be around long for one reason...his music sucks! Yes, he's "cute" but that does not equal talent. He will NOT be relevant in a few years as the greats were and still are 30 years later. Sorry BIEBER lovers.

181 I couldn't thumb you up because your post was a mile long on my phone. But I agree with you.

Jesus 129, I'd wanted to stay neutral with the entire Beiber war, than I found out he's a stuck up prick. The people who worked with him even said he was a brat that he locked a producer in a closet and ate an entire cake at a catering table, and yet they're the bad guys. Not to mention that the fanbase is the most moronic hypocrites ever. If Justin Beiber put a puppy on the tree, everyone who opposes him "deserve to die." Remember when he was dating Selena? We don't have a right to hate Beiber and that "we're jealous" but yet Selena can't date Beiber. Basically, we can't hate him, we can't like him. In other words, Beiber is stuck up, and his fans are idiots. Also, notice that in the entire post that I don't hate him for his "squeaky voice and gayish attitude." Why? Because I don't.

Justin bieber isn't the musical genius people claim he is, but his new album isn't half bad and he doesn't deserve all the hate.

Well 179 - My post wasn't a joke. Today's pop music is a joke.

Don't worry guys, Canada made up for that piece of trash by giving us deadmau5. Problem solved.

If you want to talk about insane fans, look at "Directioners." They actually scare me. They're crazy. If you insult anything about One Direction, you will have your head bit off. It's like, One Direction and Justin Bieber are competing to see who can be the most irritating. Well, congratulations to them both. It's a tie. Don't even compare Justin Bieber to Michael Jackson. There's no such thing as a comparison there. Justin Bieber's music is pure crap whereas Michael Jackson's music will live on forever.

229 - To be honest; music is entirely opinionated. Even though most of us here think that little ****'s music is ass, to some people it is good music. Like I hated Michael Jackson, thought his music was weird as hell, just like him. To you he's a legend.

this is by far the funniest comment on FML. in my mind jutin bieber is a fine example of how shitty todays popular music really is. **** new music sucks...

131, He has disappeared, the majority of the things we hear about him now are the idiots ragging on him. It's old. We know the guy is crap, but get some new material already. 181, Completely agree. When he was everywhere and everyone was talking about him it was understandable to be annoyed. When the number of insults outweighs the number of positive media you really need to consider whether you need to get a life. The odd Bieber joke here and there in the past was fine, but it's over. 186, Doubtful. He's not very intelligent, and I expect he will struggle to make something of himself after he fades out of the lime light. It depends on what he makes of his life and whether he tries desperately to cling to the past or whether he can accept defeat and move on.

210 the english sure is if you care enough to comment

Not gonna happen sunshine. He is ridiculously crap & in 5 years he won't matter, and in 10 you will facepalm yourself and say what was I thinking? Compare him to MJ is an insult to MJ!!

WOW THE KING OF YOUTUBE! I have so much more respect for him now! He is truly talented! *obvious sarcasm*

161, good music hasn't been made in years. How is just some boy to blame? What did he do, hold a gun to every musicians head and tell them if they don't make shitty music along with him he'll kill them and their families? I highly doubt it. All this unwarranted hate towards him for being rich, singing songs for YOUNGER PEOPLE (8-14), and saying he sucks just because everyone else, that is probably too old to be listening to him, is pretty retarded. Grow up people.

Justin bieber is so unwanted that his birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company

The replies to this were so long I forgot what the fml was

129- comparing Justin Bieber to Michael Jackson is like comparing Rebecca Black to Queen or Epic Movie to The Dark Knight. It just shouldn't be done. 157- you've lost so many man points, I'm fifteen and and more of a man than you after saying that. I think most people here would rather be dirt poor and given respect for doing our best everyday than be disrespected everywhere around the world and be super rich. I know I would.

It's spelled Michael and you've spelt it Micheal. Shame on you :(

I totally forgot what FML I was reading by the time a got to the bottom of this thread.

Wow 129 did he go 1/2 step deeper in tone. I mean seeing how u know so much about him.

Oops, that was for #129 ^ /facepalm

I'm not trying to be rude but I don't hate JB he's a pretty good singer and people give him a lot of hate just because many teenage girls are obsessed with him, seriously nobody wants him to LITERALLY kill himself, he is a great and nice human being popstar.

When I first heard Justin Beiber I thought it was a chick I'm disappointed he is so popular and has so many fans because I feel he is ruining music he has no talent. Seems like thats happening a lot nowadays with musicians, no talent but very popular makes no sense. Bring back good music.

Thumbs up If u actually read this :)

Just wanted to point out that Justin Bieber actually has a 9-inch dick. So what if it's up his ass and belongs to Usher?

While I am thoroughly enjoying this debate, I have completely forgotten what this FML was about.

219- Slide your finger on the comment, it opens up the option to vote up/down!

Is it just me or does Beiber look like a young version of Ellen Degeneres ? He's not a good looking "man". He's got very feminine features and he can't sing or dance or fix his hair correctly. Please don't compare him to Michael Jackson.

It doesn't matter if he's good in music or not. He still made a ton of money and sold out shows and won awards. If you don't like an artist why do you hate over the Internet? You know how pathetic that makes you look? I don't see why we can't all have our own opinions without being 'idiots'. When celebrities see their hate it really affects them. If you think about it, who the **** cares if you like Justin Bieber or not? I don't even like the kid's music. Just gain some ******* respect for other human beings.

I hate Justin Bieber as much as anyone, but calling him a woman isn't really the best of insults. For something to be an insult, the thing you're calling the other person has to be bad - this is why people commonly oppose "gay" as an insult, because being gay shouldn't be something that is wrong. Same with calling someone a woman - would that be the ultimate worst thing a person could be? I mean, you can insult the emptiness of his lyrics, the often-hysterical fanbase, the fact that a lot of people who have worked with him say he's a complete piece of shit, or his stupid views on rape and abortion, but don't call him a woman.

Uh, guys... This isn't the place to be arguing about this...

276- They're insulting his manhood (double meaning?) and calling him feminine. If you're a woman, I'd trust you'd take offense to someone saying you're masculine.

Okay so their songs suck, but that doesn't mean you can discount the fact that they have a lot of ambition and drive and managed to get the career they always wanted. That in itself should be impressive even if you don't find their songs or voices impressive.

Just wanted to point out that Justin Bieber actually has a 9-inch ****. It's up his ass and it belongs to Usher.

oh your cool for making fun of someone behind the computer mr badass hope u feel better about yourself by the way talk shit all about him and he'll always make more bank then you'll ever make in your lifetime dumbass...I'm not even a huge fan of him but that was messed up of u to say that.

24- 'your mom' jokes have been around a hell of a lot time longer than Justin Beiber jokes. And I just think you can't stand to see your idol (JB) being ridiculed and made fun of. That's why you say "JB jokes are ancient".

230- it's great to see someone with my view on MJ. I thought he was a creep and didn't have good music at all, but all of my friends told me he was a legend.

259- that's the problem with music these days, there can be bands on YouTube who are struggling to get out there, and are writing their own songs that have meaning and depth, while theres stupid pop stars and rappers making millions off of lyrics that have absolutely no meaning, and no depth. Honestly I hope that someday popular music isn't people in their teens singing about girls and such. And I hope rap music does before I ever have kids.

129 Justin Bieber its nothing compared to the King of Pop

In other words, Bieber could sell every single CD or download in the world, and he would still suck. Is that what you mean?

143 - Not all bad things come from Canada. Take us Canadian chicks, we're pretty awesome! ;) On another note, on behalf of Canada, I apologize for Justin Bieber.

I don't like JB but Michael Jackson wasn't a good definition of a man either

"Untalentless" = NOT talentless = does have talent. Grammar nazis annoy me too, but you seem to be contradicting yourself there.

I've noticed a few people tossing the word 'prepubescent' around. I'm having a hard time beliebing(JK) that all of you know what it means. This fml might as well be changed to something about the guy. On comment started a ******* riot. Geez people.

Way to go #2, you started a whole war about JB and music on a FML about a penis pump!

yes

I'm never going to stop spelling it beiber now. Or beaver.

Double troll. Well played.

Ha!

Lmfao, I love Justin but this shit was just to funny.

I freaking agree. Justin Beiber is a girl not a boy.

289, Something tells me you weren't born before 1990.

Since Justin is a hot talented successful person you hate on him? Not hitting puberty before 16 makes a guy gay? So If a girl doesn't hit puberty before 16 she's a lesbian. That's what you're saying. Justin makes more then you in 1 day then you will in 10 years, be jealous 25+million girls want his dick and that he can bang Selena Gomez when ever he wants.

This is crazy! Justin Bieber is a terrible singer and thinks he is black. His songs are just saying the same thing over and over... Oh and to those people who said he is the best and comparing him to Michael Jackson and Queen and all the classics you are all wrong! The Beatles have the latest fan base and Queen has sold the most albums while MJ will always be the King of Pop. So all the JB fans need to stop wasting their time and money on some trash albums and shirts that are Justin Bieber and focus on the important things. This JB thing is ridiculous

Just an FYI to everyone, horrible popular pop music has been around for decades. Including when you were the same age as Bieber fans are now.

The reason he has so much money and views on youtube is because he has a ton of little girls that spend all their time re-watching all his shitty music videos and spend all their parents money buying his shitty songs on itunes.

327 - Yeah there was, but you didn't see this many people going completely gaga over some kid who has a pop career. We had a little more dignity than that.

RLAB

I love you...

Agree entirely. I never saw what the big hype with him was.

Holy shit I think it must have been a half hour of me going through all these replies.. here I'll respond to everyone right here: we still have lives if we comment on an FML, Justin Bieber isn't gay or a woman, just overrated by little girls, who, in fact, are his only fans, YouTube views don't mean sh*t, and anybody****** who is famous for music has more interesting song lyrics than him. There you go.

Be nice! That's someone's daughter!

Comments like these are why we have a bury feature...

I hate it when people comment just to comment. Say something interesting or relevant, or don't comment at all, dammit!

154, no one actually pays attention to the bury. 9 outa 10 times they'll read it anyway.

i didnt want to be the person who changed it from -69(:

Walmart.

Babes 'R Us.

I saw it - and it wasn't funny.

You totally ruined your own Comment. Goodfight, Newb.

Why the st- st- stutter?

Dont you worry, i see all poor puns

188- I think the quote you're looking for is 'T-t-t-today junior!' :-)

Cool story. Tell it again.

That was a bit long, u cud of just said, "Now u will get the girls b/c ur voice is nearly as high as Bieber's."

A Bieber joke. How funny and original.

He removed his dick, too.

The Bieber jokes are getting old. He doesn't sound like a girl anymore. Just because he hit puberty late doesn't make him gay.

Oh my god, this is getting ridiculous. I don't like Justin or his music, but it's so pathetic for any guy to insult someone who is dating a beautiful girl, has millions of female fans, and makes tons of money. And even if he is gay, is there something wrong with that? Why when a guy doesnt like something, or is jealous of another guy, he's instantly branded "gay"? You go and try to date Selena Gomez. See what she says.

114. what a wild generalization.

she'll say I'm awesome and not gay like bieber

That's a lie because Justin Bieber was born with a ******.

What dick?

114, all his fans are in the range of 6-14, and Selena Gomez would have more have more fun with a regular joe than her girlfriend jb

I think we should celebrate the Justin bieber jokes here today :D Pick any number between 1 - 10 Now add 5 to that number Now square it Now find out the square route of that number Now subtract 5 Now take away the original number Congratulations! You've arrived at the amount of ***** people give for your SHIT, UNORIGINAL JOKES.

All of the comments I see from you are rude, hypocritical, or both. Just sayin'.

who cares

Looks like from all the steroids you use that you might want to invest in a penis pump of your own

srry to say i dont use steriods its called proper nutrition and excersise why dont you try it one day

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Penis pumps aren't just for "tiny"members. Penis pumps are often used as a male masturbation device. Some pumps have additional sexual stimulation features such as vibrating ability, and electric stroking. Some pumps have cyberskin or silicone enhancements at the end of the tube, giving a life-like feel of penetrating a pussy, ass or mouth. Ejaculating into a pump while there is suction feels really good for some people, certainly different than simply coming into your hand or a towel.

I wonder why everyone is hating on this guy... I know a lot of guys with bodies like his and they do not use steroids. I think he looks good ...

dont need anything to help me to sleep at night i can sleep just fine im a healthly person unlike you maybe it would be wise to loose a few pounds maybe youll be able to sleep better

I'm fairly certain you don't know me in real life. You don't know at all what I look like and I don't associate with douche bags.

I see you've changed your profile picture back to it's former glory. I can honestly say it makes you look even more like a jerk than your comments already do. I understand that YOU like showing your body off, but no one on here wants to see it, especially since this isn't a dating site, as you earlier stated.

He's got roid rage watch out hahaha. He looks like a wannabe jersey shore douche

46 why you mad

anyone else read his comment in hank hills voice?

My thoughts exactly

hahaha i am arguing with myself my bad direscted to 54 you talk about me not having shyt for personality but you dont know me i have personality then you know but you wanna come on fml and start talking shyt and you wonder why im being a dic. so go crawl underneath whatever car you got ran over by and tell it to run over you a couple more times because your face is still ugly as shyt

hey 67 at least i gotta picture of myself on my profile you eminem dick rider

82- you talk about people not knowing you and bad mouthing you but then you turn around and do the same thing. I think it's time you get some surgery so you can actually have a pair of balls and grow up. P.S. Learn to spell. We aren't 6 anymore.

You seem to know a lot about penis pumps... ;P just messing' with yah

Another argument about this guy. What is that 3-4 times now?

82 ....what

thats cause all you mfers want to do is run run run your mouth maybe if you didnt run your mouth so ****** much i wouldnt have to be a dick

60 why is it that when someone says something negative about you, you call them fat? Also there is no reason to be a dick...

your right 91 looks dont matter but even with that set aside you still dont meet the standard but dont worry im sure some desperate sap will date you

:) former spec ops huh... That's a laugh with your vocabulary and poor speaking skills you wouldn't meet the minimum ASVAB req's for any branch's special forces any you are 23 meaning you met the minimum time for a spec op contract this year ... U get out I'm yesterday? To top that one off if you did get out at 5 years you barely finished training or got kicked out early so experience is the wrong word bud.

You're a nasty piece of work..

And yes I am a dick too bud ... But ah I was gonna ignore your existence til that farce of a personal history of yours infantry isn't special ;)

Granted #9 does make Hypocritical comments but just because someone is in shape and takes care of themselves doesn't mean he's on roids. I hear stuff like that a lot from people who are haters

69- *facepalm* re-read your own comments.