Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Fond memories

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 841

You deserved it 4 639

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 757

You deserved it 5 994

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 093

You deserved it 5 623

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 274

You deserved it 7 766

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 289

You deserved it 6 901

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 981

You deserved it 3 073

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 104

You deserved it 6 453

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 886

You deserved it 9 239

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 11:54 - Australia

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 282

You deserved it 8 649

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 657

You deserved it 9 534

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 456

You deserved it 3 761

JustinThunder 8

Saturday 13 August 2011 5:02

Apparently she couldn't keep him up either.

Anupants 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 5:01

That is a no bueno.

Comments

utvols11 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 16:10

So he cried while getting a bj... i bet that killed the mood.

xxangierulzxx 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 16:16

I read this fml last night and it said long lost childhood sweet heart now its teen im so confused

lostgumball 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 19:29

She must have been really bad!

UnDerThEcaRpEt 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 19:30

Way too much info, no one wanted to read the last part.

xxxx420 1

Saturday 13 August 2011 19:32

That's shitty.

woopdattrick 5

Saturday 13 August 2011 19:40

Dump the little bitch. He's obviously not over her.

Mikonam_fml 8

Saturday 13 August 2011 20:47

Aww he's so sensitive.

sonderkommando 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 22:31

Should have bit it off. What a douche.

Raheemdplayer 7

Saturday 13 August 2011 23:32

Now that's really awkward

sicroachx421 9

Sunday 14 August 2011 0:49

haha please tell me you didn't continue to stay with him.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Awkward Management Poopoo peepee Work Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Love Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy Confused AITA Parents

The Top

Today, I was on the subway. I have fairly serious OCD, so I avoided holding the poles or handles. All the seats were taken, so I leaned against a wall. At the next stop, an obese, sweaty man got on and grabbed the two poles around me, effectively hugging me. My shirt was wet when he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 524

You deserved it 6 008

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explainable stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 162

You deserved it 3 436

The Top

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 634

You deserved it 34 200

Today, my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me, saying things are moving "too fast". All I did was tell my 3 year-old that my boyfriend's parents are his new grandma and grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 3 448

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years donated his promise ring at the temple for it to be used to construct the idol's feet. The problem is that I made that ring for him from scratch and he didn’t even have it for 2 months. He was excited when he told me, and doesn’t understand why I’m upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 156

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me. I was extremely devastated, and was crying in my room. My mom told me that it’s not a reason to cry. Apparently, “There’s people out there without anything to eat, nowhere to live, and people dying of cancer - that’s a REAL reason to cry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 144

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 572

You deserved it 626

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 566

You deserved it 8 435