Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Fond memories

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 841

You deserved it 4 639

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 757

You deserved it 5 994

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 093

You deserved it 5 623

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 274

You deserved it 7 766

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 289

You deserved it 6 901

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 981

You deserved it 3 073

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 104

You deserved it 6 453

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 886

You deserved it 9 239

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 11:54 - Australia

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 282

You deserved it 8 649

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 657

You deserved it 9 534

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 456

You deserved it 3 761

JustinThunder 8

Saturday 13 August 2011 5:02

Apparently she couldn't keep him up either.

Anupants 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 5:01

That is a no bueno.

Comments

invivoful 10

Saturday 13 August 2011 7:52

O.o How can someone say that this person totally deserves it?

mrdiehler 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 7:52

Oh damn

Saltime 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 7:54

It was his time of month, so leave him alone!

isaac713 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 7:54

u need a new strategy for next time

CurlyChica808 4

Saturday 13 August 2011 7:55

Am I the only one who saw this earlier when it said "childhood" sweetheart?

saidin 1

Saturday 13 August 2011 8:06

Hot :)

dirtdude19 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 8:07

can I have head

BlAcKgUyLoVeR3 7

Saturday 13 August 2011 8:10

awwwww boner go bye bye ?? :(

Ryan88USMC 0

Monday 15 August 2011 5:32

Lol

NorCalStoner707 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 8:10

Hahahahaha what a pansy

sara_saturday 5

Saturday 13 August 2011 8:12

maybe this is why other boyfriends give "permission" to give blow jobs …

Acaprice14 9

Saturday 13 August 2011 8:59

Saw that too!

Keywords

Family Miscellaneous DIY Cats Awkward Management Poopoo peepee Work Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Love Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy Confused AITA Parents

The Top

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 791

You deserved it 11 207

Today, I took my girlfriend out to Outback Steakhouse. We went to one outside of town because my wife works at our local one. When we got there, guess who we saw? I forgot she transferred to another location, which just happened to be this one. Goddamit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 1 715

The Top

Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 914

You deserved it 6 864

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 709

You deserved it 5 895

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months started a bitter fight with me. The cause was me repeatedly refusing to dye my hair the way his beloved ex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 555

You deserved it 3 657

Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 482

You deserved it 2 103

Today, my boyfriend and I aren't speaking. He wanted to stay up late to "look for jobs", so I went to bed. An hour later, I was awoken to him screaming. When I ran in to see what was going on, he had a video game open. I shouldn't be mad at him because it was a "mega rare drop", he insists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 143

Today, it's been a year since the girl I'm madly in love with completely cut off all communication with me. She called me crying a year ago, saying she couldn't do the long-distance, unaware I was planning on moving closer to her. Not once has she reached out, and has a girlfriend now. I think about her every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 324