Intimacy: Freudian

Freudian

By giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock - 19/12/2014 23:14 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 124

You deserved it 4 655

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 471

You deserved it 764

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 19:19 - Botswana - Francistown

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 981

You deserved it 6 009

Enough is enough

By Rachaael - 19/01/2023 02:00

Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff in the morning. - Mom” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 396

Redhanded

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 06:00 - Philippines - Roxas

Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 459

Not now, mother!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 04:00 - United States - Sayville

Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 201

Privacy

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, I’m 20 and my mom is well aware I’m having sex. Nonetheless, this morning when my boyfriend was going down on me under the covers, she marched into my room without knocking, dumped a load of wet laundry on my sofa, and walked back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 452

You'll get some eventually

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 10:59 - China

Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 393

Cold shower

By MrAwsum - 17/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 540

You deserved it 48 715

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 18:01 - Australia

Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 285

By holycommander - 26/03/2013 20:20 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 633

You deserved it 5 139

dudeman1212 22

Saturday 20 December 2014 5:21

Mom's a cockblock even in your dreams. Better stock up on Vaseline, I guess

TiiBags 15

Saturday 20 December 2014 5:25

Sometimes you don't even have your own brain on your side...

Comments

dudeman1212 22

Saturday 20 December 2014 5:21

Mom's a cockblock even in your dreams. Better stock up on Vaseline, I guess

DropTheDaggerxx 31

Saturday 20 December 2014 5:25

More than just a cockblock, that's pretty abusive. I hope dream-mom is an exaggerated version of the real life one, otherwise this really is an FYL, OP!

eyebrowzzz 21

Saturday 20 December 2014 5:22

Go out and get some action !

gantoman 13

Saturday 20 December 2014 16:03

You say that like you can walk out of your door and **** everything.

Flowtastic 16

Saturday 20 December 2014 5:22

No sex for you!

TiiBags 15

Saturday 20 December 2014 5:25

Sometimes you don't even have your own brain on your side...

MrSassypants 32

Saturday 20 December 2014 5:53

I think it's safe to say most of the time our brains are against us.

Duckzy 16

Saturday 20 December 2014 5:59

Half of the time my memory goes out right before I even talk to a girl in my dreams...

MrSassypants 32

Saturday 20 December 2014 6:01

You talk to girls in your dreams? I don't even have the courage to talk to them in my dreams, and when I do, they turn me down. Luckily, I just ride a rainbow giraffe into space to make myself feel better.