Sexting, Wanker and Intimacy: Keep your wits about you

Keep your wits about you

By Rawr - 30/12/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 472

You deserved it 11 684

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Same thing different taste

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 471

You deserved it 764

By anonymous - 06/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 672

You deserved it 32 274

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 645

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 00:02 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 817

You deserved it 6 576

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 360

You deserved it 665

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 207

You deserved it 37 101

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 791

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 336

You deserved it 36 291

The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 74 043

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 901

You deserved it 11 994

craigkid 2

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:14

a) lock your door b) why was she stareing

SweetestSin 4

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

awkward

Comments

singer4life666 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 10:26

This would've been even worse if she tried to help you...

ranamile 0

Friday 6 January 2012 3:08

It would have been great!

infernno 23

Wednesday 22 August 2012 4:27

^no.

joker02 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 10:38

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

joker02 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 10:41

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

que_que_que 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 10:57

ew your mom was masturbating while looking at you that's illegal

afrikaaner 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 14:44

Hehe! i was just thinking the same thing! sentence structure people!

awesome_king 3

Friday 10 September 2010 18:37

what are you talking about?!

T9FTW 20

Tuesday 13 November 2012 7:46

I don't believe the FML says that... LOL

neverminddd 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 10:57

I'm glad this has never happened to me. If I were you, I'd never be able to make eye-contact with my mom again.

redsoxfan92 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 11:05

the same thing happened to me tonight except I was in the boyfriend's shoes :P sorry about all the awkwardness honeydew xD

gr8nothingness 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 11:07

maybe she thought u were sleeping too..anyway that is crazy wild

k13_fml 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 11:10

kill yourself

Ottoman81 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:00

dont rub one out in the living room next time

me5 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 13:42

Tell her you were itchy!

daemonsparta 16

Monday 3 August 2015 0:09

that didn't work when i told my wife that

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight

The Top

Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 146

You deserved it 228

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 642

You deserved it 52 011

The Top

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 792

You deserved it 14 911

Today, I went to see a doctor due to some gastric distress I have. I came out with directions to buy a blood pressure monitor, I'm prohibited from doing sports, and have a possible diagnosis of arterial hypertension which I am way too young to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 124

Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 149

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 559

You deserved it 6 999

Today, I learned that, since getting my tongue ring, it has become imprudent to test 9-volt batteries with my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 867

You deserved it 46 382

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 194

You deserved it 4 177

Same thing different taste

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