Intimacy: Let me Slytherin - FML

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 998

You deserved it 10 971

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Same thing different taste

By ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 262

You deserved it 8 253

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 311

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 955

You deserved it 5 075

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 984

You deserved it 56 251

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 311

You deserved it 2 764

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 773

You deserved it 4 441

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 437

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 608

You deserved it 15 234

By thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 910

You deserved it 18 538

By yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 877

You deserved it 446

Next

Top comments

lil_miss_blair 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:01

don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.

SynchronicityII 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:03

After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?

Comments

venomlash 9

Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:22

Nicely played, Monseigneur.

venomlash 9

Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:25

That is in reply to #52. Stupid FML website, y u no work?

perdix 29

Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:42

He's probably gay and was hoping that a big snake would pop outta there.

maybaybe 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:05

LOL LOL LOL LOL !!!!!!!!

harrypotterrfan1 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 2:49

wow your a LOSER stop! not funny.........

picturescrazy 24

Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:09

Your boyfriend's awesome

sipher16 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:39

bahahaha =') did he show you his wand and sourseror stones?

minagiv 11

Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:45

I'm sorry, but this is f*cking EPIC.

bradrost 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:46

sounds like he about to enter the deathly hallows.

SynchronicityII 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:03

I honestly think OP should milk this for all it is worth. Her boyfriend is acting like he's the king. Does anyone else think these puns are a little corn-y? I hope they aren't just snakes in the grass.

Niami 3

Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:04

I can imagine one a guy im interested in doing that to me lol

rextasy 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:27

I read this a few weeks ago.

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Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Roommate Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 714

Today, I pulled my Christmas tree out of my mother-in-law's garage, only to find out rats had ruined all the lights. The tree cost $2600. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 511

The Top

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 986

You deserved it 3 339

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. I recognized him. He's the guy that broke into my car and stole my backpack two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 987

You deserved it 348

Today, my boyfriend met my brother. They're both over 6 foot, and big. They glared at each other like they were about to start a fight, then out of nowhere shook hands, hugged while laughing like lunatics, and have been besties all afternoon. Why are gym bros such weird idiots? FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 415

Today, I counted how many medications I'm on: 14. I'm waiting to see another specialist who might put me on 2 more. I'm currently on more medications than my grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 201

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 697

You deserved it 6 905

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 706

You deserved it 3 712