Sex and Intimacy: Lifeless - FML

Lifeless

By Motionless - 26/05/2011 09:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. This is the seventh time in a row that she hasn't moved or made any noises the entire way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 087

You deserved it 23 790

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Same thing different taste

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Spicy

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 177

You deserved it 8 661

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 427

By conductingfromthegrave - 01/07/2009 05:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 405

You deserved it 4 580

Honest

By fml1977 - 04/03/2010 06:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 384

You deserved it 8 015

By ryan - 10/02/2010 15:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 475

You deserved it 6 827

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 782

By pathetic - 20/08/2010 09:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 688

You deserved it 29 883

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 219

You deserved it 5 969

Talk to her!

By Anonymoys - 06/04/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today my girlfriend actually moved during sex. I love her, but she's so awful in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 398

By rawdoglyfe69 - 17/04/2013 06:14 - United States - Helena

Spicy

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 503

You deserved it 6 079

Next

Top comments

kg163401 0

Thursday 26 May 2011 15:55

I dub thee corpse ******

yazah 0

Thursday 26 May 2011 16:53

Try deflating her and then blowing her back up. :)

Comments

stephanyk2 7

Saturday 28 May 2011 8:25

maybe she's just shy.

sherryl_fml 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 9:47

******* funny shit hahahahahah I am still laughing and I have been typin for 5 minutes rofl

kindMe 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 14:44

um she clearly dosent enjoy ur penis

speezy3 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 15:05

dude u have to do it harder lmfao

zosfrosty 1

Saturday 28 May 2011 17:59

Get better at it then. If they aren't physically unable to be quiet, you're doing it wrong. Or she's dead dude...

dominict 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 22:16

perhaps extenze?

GingerFro 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 22:33

lol there was a 2 1/2 men episode about a girl that was the same way

momo1972 3

Sunday 29 May 2011 4:19

guess you need to learn how to use your equipment.

Fortitudine 3

Sunday 29 May 2011 9:56

Well, seeing as it's not satisfying her, I say you should just shove your dick in her mouth when she's sleeping..... Satisfy yourself AND teach her a lesson xD

sherryl_fml 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 9:59

funny

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Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 980

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 538

You deserved it 10 056

The Top

Today, one of my housemates licked or bit all 12 of the cupcakes I'd bought to give to a friend as a "Thank you" gift. No one will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 014

You deserved it 309

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 675

You deserved it 3 850

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 221

You deserved it 3 441

Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 205

Toda, while I was on a Zoom interview for a potential new career, one of my family members screamed, "Well that's a kick in the dick!" It was so loud, the recruiter immediately told me to have a nice day and abruptly ended the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 149

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 112