Intimacy: Long John

Long John

By piratequeen - 07/08/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 218

You deserved it 7 119

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Same thing different taste

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 080

You deserved it 51 001

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 781

You deserved it 5 152

By Porkchop05 - 06/09/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 009

You deserved it 14 738

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 000

You deserved it 4 306

WTF dude?

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 10 324

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 773

You deserved it 4 441

By myasshurts - 14/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 735

You deserved it 6 665

By cumhole - 10/10/2012 02:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 554

You deserved it 69 899

By anonymous - 19/02/2011 13:12 - United States

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 065

You deserved it 7 397

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 634

You deserved it 4 984

Hermyoni 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:00

That is funny. Not only because your husband has a pirate fetish but because your neighbors overheard it.

unkinged44 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 0:48

also when u have an ****** yell THAR SHE BLOWS

Comments

marz88 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:08

+1 internets for your husband. I have my FB in pirate English XD

Emma_91 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 0:53

lol me too ^_^ Your husband sounds awesome. Anyone else notice an abundance of these type of FMLs suddenly?

hockey9797 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:09

wow I feel bad for your future children. embarrasing dad alert

TehTy 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:10

Rofl, I'm amused that your neighbors thought he found buried treasure. xD

tpag3r 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:12

iloveyourhusband

Colleennn1579 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:13

hahaha well thats embarrasing

irrelevantxx 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:14

Hahahahaha

qwertyone 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:15

Tell them it was the tv or something.

nodayliketoday 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:17

I swear, I get my best moves from this site. Thank you, OP. This shit is AWESOME!

oh_mi_shizzle 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:20

lmao!!! hahaha your lover sure knows how to be sexy... xD that's embarrassing though.. you must really love him to still have sex with him even while he says retarded shizzle like that... lol kinda cute... FYL but hey... you love him so it shouldn't be that bad... :) and you /know/ u pleased him if the neighbor heard...

sublime93 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 0:47

What's with the ******* periods? Damn it they're so ******* unnecessary.

marissajean42 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 12:38

@116 you sound like a girl explaining why she takes birth control. not to be offensive.

Skull_300 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 16:39

WTF?..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................