Intimacy: Long John

Long John

By piratequeen - 07/08/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 218

You deserved it 7 119

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Same thing different taste

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 080

You deserved it 51 001

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 781

You deserved it 5 152

By Porkchop05 - 06/09/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 009

You deserved it 14 738

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 000

You deserved it 4 306

WTF dude?

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 10 324

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 773

You deserved it 4 441

By myasshurts - 14/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 735

You deserved it 6 665

By cumhole - 10/10/2012 02:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 554

You deserved it 69 899

By anonymous - 19/02/2011 13:12 - United States

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 065

You deserved it 7 397

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 634

You deserved it 4 984

Hermyoni 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:00

That is funny. Not only because your husband has a pirate fetish but because your neighbors overheard it.

unkinged44 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 0:48

also when u have an ****** yell THAR SHE BLOWS

Comments

Forever2204 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:26

ahahahaha that is hilarious

LatinoHeat 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:33

YDI for that perverted Spongebob fantasy FML you also made the other day.

yabrett 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:34

Yarrgghh!! Be your neighbors lobsters? We'll send em on thar way to ole' Davy jones's lockarr! Plunders and booty far the lot of ya! Garr!!

iKaite 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 3:17

Or walk the plank.

boomlol 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:35

i fail to see the Fml....

fml__love 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:36

HAHA, that's awesome but FYL.

shoeofallcosmos 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:37

Are you kidding? That's not embarrassing at all! Your husband is the BEST!!!

suprabuddha 10

Friday 7 August 2009 23:39

You should have sex with me instead of your husband.

silent__scream 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:45

lol! that's hilarious. i can totally relate though. my boyfriend had the word "pirate" across his chest with a skull and crossbones. i also bought him two bumperstickers, one reading "surrender the booty" because he has a huge flag hanging in his room that says that. the other saying "my other car is a pirate ship" because we saw that one at taco bell and he wanted me to steal it for him. i could totally see my boyfriend saying something like that durig sex.

anonymous3000_fml 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 0:59

no one cares about the bumper stickers that you bought your boyfriend. and seriously, learn how to proofread before posting: durig? not a word. but this FML is hilarious! not really much of an FML though, except FYL for getting to know your neighbors to the point where they have your phone number. or FYL for having a listed phone number if you don't know them. and if you don't know them, then who gives a shit what they think?