Intimacy: Long John

Long John

By piratequeen - 07/08/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 218

You deserved it 7 119

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Same thing different taste

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 080

You deserved it 51 001

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 781

You deserved it 5 152

By Porkchop05 - 06/09/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 009

You deserved it 14 738

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 000

You deserved it 4 306

WTF dude?

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 10 324

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 773

You deserved it 4 441

By myasshurts - 14/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 735

You deserved it 6 665

By cumhole - 10/10/2012 02:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 554

You deserved it 69 899

By anonymous - 19/02/2011 13:12 - United States

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 065

You deserved it 7 397

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 634

You deserved it 4 984

Hermyoni 0

Friday 7 August 2009 23:00

That is funny. Not only because your husband has a pirate fetish but because your neighbors overheard it.

unkinged44 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 0:48

also when u have an ****** yell THAR SHE BLOWS

Comments

GDinNJ 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 1:23

Wait...no...I still don't get it... I mean, I get it, I'm not an idiot. But seriously? How does stuff like this get posted? It's not even that funny. Although your husband sounds like he is. But still, not an FML. I literally cannot for the life of me figure out what would make you think this is a really bad thing. I'm sorry your husband has highly amusing choices of fetishes and I'm sorry that he does something when he orgasms. God forbid. Really, I still don't understand how this made it through.

Puolukka 4

Saturday 8 August 2009 8:55

It may be an FML for her because...she says she "let it go" because she is "used to his embarrassing pirate talk"...and she is probably letting it go because she loves him and doesn't want something so insignificant come in between their relationship... That doesn't mean she shares his fetish though. They were having sex and he screamed that treasure stuff...and that sure as hell would be a MAJOR turn-off for me...as much as I love my husband, it would totally ruin my mood, especially if he does earlier on during sex. And I also think I wouldn't be too pleased if my neighbors who I probably have to see on a regular basis, know that my husband has a pirate sex fetish o.O