Sex, Creepy, Wanker, Spiders and Intimacy: Love is love

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 106 815

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Troubling

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 23 291

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 239

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 324

You deserved it 7 652

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 603

You deserved it 9 163

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 881

You deserved it 70 626

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 5 238

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 14 264

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 3 359

By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 4 807

Been here long?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 14:00

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 163

btopishere 1

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:11

That's how Peter Parker was created.

Crudez0rz 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:08

Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha

Comments

alex_vik 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:39

..Check the sock next time? I have a feeling you're from Australia though, they've got huge spiders everywhere down there.

ashboust 0

Monday 16 August 2010 3:13

lol, no we don't ?

princessmelissa 3

Friday 17 December 2010 16:05

we have some of the biggest spiders in the world down here so I'd agree with your comment. that'd be hell scary to find... our spiders aren't only big they are deadly!

geminiTwin4 3

Saturday 23 April 2011 3:33

well there goes my plans of ever moving to Australia..

OhbbyCx 6

Wednesday 1 June 2011 1:35

Haha. "Down there."

Mjwnenrjs 17

Sunday 18 September 2011 20:14

It says he's from Michigan....

AnnStarfire 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:56

Did the spider call you afterwords? If not, you must've be bad.

greendaygirl999 5

Thursday 27 May 2010 1:18

WIN

bella789 8

Friday 25 March 2011 6:09

winning x]

ArivO 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:24

Why the hell do you ********** into the sock!?

sarah8309 5

Friday 6 April 2012 4:35

13) some guys do that. A lot of guys do tht.

Zic_fml 7

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:42

Lol, that was terrifying. Was it a tranatula? XD

Smashhoof 15

Thursday 8 November 2012 5:16

I don't think a tranatula or a tarantula would fit in a sock.

jbel08 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:44

oh no! haha that's so sick..

Mnemic 5

Thursday 12 March 2009 10:47

I agree with #2 and #13... Say... to you wear those socks again after you washed them? Or you have special socks for it?

deathphsyco 0

Tuesday 26 July 2011 6:39

usually it's a certain sock although sometimes it's a random sock that we throw away

Andicc 19

Friday 11 October 2013 16:07

So that's where all the lost matches to my socks go!! I blamed it on the dryer but it must have been my man using them for cum catchers and tossing them...one of the great mysteries of the universe answered.

TEAZO 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 11:35

lmao you did a spider thats funny prob the most action you got in a while.

tyler1 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 11:45

were you at least able to satisfy it? because judging by the fact your using a sock, you prolly havent been satisfying any ladies lately. lol im just playin man hahaha

The_Big_Guy 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 11:46

OH GOD!!!! My favorite FML thus far...So many possibilities with this one. -you've created Man-spider ( Spiderman's new arch nemesis) -the spider will now eat you in your sleep, since you have mated -the spider might have laid eggs in your dack-hole=new urban legend... -your next busted nut will consist of baby spiders and not sperm -your next busted nut will consist of cob-webs -you are the first man to have made love to a spider=new fetish -FML from the spider..."After a long day, I was really tired and found a warm home in a sock. I was awakened by an earthquake..which turned out to actually be me getting raped by the biggest **** I have ever seen. FML !!"

EvilAngelAshley 3

Tuesday 30 June 2009 19:15

Dude...The spider FML was hilarious. Lmfao. The mental pictures...are so wrong... I love it! :)

timeoffire45 8

Friday 25 September 2009 17:21

Holy ******* shit that had me laughing my ass off... :D Btw, OP: Your life does suck, but YDI--after all, why would you ********** into a sock? 0.o condoms work really nicely... or a fleshlamp, if you can get over the fact that it look like you're ******* a flashlight... :-P

Rach_star 0

Monday 26 October 2009 19:11

LOL @19. You made my day

brit8741 0

Tuesday 9 March 2010 0:02

Poor spider. "Today, I took a nap in my nice sock home. It's very nice, even though it was weirdly crusty today, but whatever. When I woke up I was being raped by some weird dick-looking thing, but it was almost as big as me!!!" OP I hope you didn't get it pregnant. Tell your therapist I said Good Luck.