Sex, Creepy, Wanker, Spiders and Intimacy: Love is love

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 106 815

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Same thing different taste

Troubling

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 23 291

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 239

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 324

You deserved it 7 652

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 603

You deserved it 9 163

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 881

You deserved it 70 626

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 5 238

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 14 264

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 3 359

By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 4 807

Been here long?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 14:00

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 163

btopishere 1

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:11

That's how Peter Parker was created.

Crudez0rz 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:08

Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha

Comments

RickyLedo 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 4:33

I ********** into strawberry pie. Just kidding. Anyways...a sock? That's like...weird.

Sakura_Haruno 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 0:50

LOLLLL.

shortyshort 0

Wednesday 29 April 2009 5:52

#63 most guys i know dont ********** when their 12 they really only start to ********** when they have **** or something from their brother or dad or something like that

CaptainObvious81 0

Friday 1 May 2009 22:04

the sock is the perfect cum cotton, especially if you're in college and have a roommate in a dorm, etc. you just spill your load into the sock. easy clean up. you don't even have to get undressed. just whip it out of your fly, give it the necessary pulls and then slip a sock over it for the final release. i'm 28 and still find this a best practice if you don't feel like getting jiz on yourself. you can then roll the pair of socks up and drop it into the hamper like nothing happened.

swompgurl29 0

Saturday 2 May 2009 4:02

LOL, sorry but thats funny

xxcheesyxx 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 5:19

i bet the spider was waiting for u to do that with the sock?

browniemcgee 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:09

Haha, funniest FML ever! Loved how it rhymed xD And SpiderMan, LOL.

browniemcgee 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:11

Best FML ever. Loved the rhyming first line(: &SpiderMan? Ha.

bendovrhoe69 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 18:46

u lost ur virginity to a spider? sad.

alex22207 0

Friday 8 May 2009 0:45

masturbating feels so good espesially when you tri not to move and just let your hands do all the work and like dick spit comes out and im like YES YES! that is awsome! i had to clean up but like it was everywhere!