Sex, Creepy, Wanker, Spiders and Intimacy: Love is love

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 106 815

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Troubling

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 23 291

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 239

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 324

You deserved it 7 652

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 603

You deserved it 9 163

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 881

You deserved it 70 626

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 5 238

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 14 264

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 3 359

By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 4 807

Been here long?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 14:00

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 163

btopishere 1

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:11

That's how Peter Parker was created.

Crudez0rz 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:08

Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha

Comments

KenMcGormick 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 12:34

whoa... talk about arachnophobia... now we got arachnophilia

Stinger4594 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 6:54

lmao! win

Yaz_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 12:39

I created an account just to comment on this - best FML ever! + Awesome comments by btopishere, AnnStarfire and The_Big_Guy!!

pewp 5

Thursday 12 March 2009 12:41

a sock? really?

Ldy_S_FTW 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 13:08

invest in a Fleshlight.

bisous_bizoo 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 13:56

Ooooooh this could have turned out soooooo much worse You're lucky it didn't bite you!! :( Yuck And a sock? Really?

scb197 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 14:48

good god...#8 and #19 are brilliant!

RPGod 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 14:52

A sock... don't u get all chaffed?

Mr_Roboto 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 14:54

hahaha stuff you get to see on FML is crazy, my favourite FML so far

Jack_Of_Spades 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 15:05

Dude... you should invest in one of those pocket *******... That's horrible man, you've just started a new fetish, like that one person stated above.

getmoney24 4

Thursday 13 January 2011 1:40

your really hot

blankp4ge 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 15:23

This is a very frightening image, I would never want a spider anywhere NEAR my ****...

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Sex Roommate Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 333

You deserved it 4 255

Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 655

You deserved it 532

The Top

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 017

You deserved it 7 504

Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 357

You deserved it 5 301

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 260

You deserved it 3 707

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 057

You deserved it 40 147

Today, as usual, my parents do not believe that I have schizophrenia. The hallucinations won’t stop and I still can’t get used to how scary they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 91

Today, my girlfriend accused me of only dating her because I’m lonely and want sex. Surely the point of dating someone you love is to be together so you’re not alone, and I have it on good authority that dating occasionally includes sex, so is she nuts or am I actually the bad guy here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 504