Sex, Weird, Awkward and Intimacy: Milking it - FML

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 154

You deserved it 14 890

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Same thing different taste

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 165

You deserved it 20 925

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 287

You deserved it 29 243

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 284

You deserved it 7 891

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 953

You deserved it 4 328

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 715

You deserved it 27 261

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 614

You deserved it 1 192

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 167

You deserved it 11 465

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 045

You deserved it 18 790

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 128

You deserved it 23 509

By fineididntwantkidsanyway - 02/12/2012 23:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 894

You deserved it 4 533

Next

Top comments

jleon 0

Friday 21 May 2010 18:51

hahahhhshahHahahahahaha

Alexitis1 3

Friday 21 May 2010 18:53

r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)

Comments

LizabethLashay 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:04

lol. u sir, got milked!!

lickmyjock 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:04

grow some balls and shove her mouth on your dick.

cchevy 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:36

nice fruity drink... fruit cake.

piinkbunnii 1

Friday 21 May 2010 19:56

Sorry, I found this hilarious!!!

BeyondDespair 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:05

Blahblahblah.

loriaking18 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:06

hahaha!

anorexicbarbie 8

Friday 21 May 2010 19:07

hahaha, well at least she has a sense of humor

Blackiechan85 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:07

holy god!!! that's hilarious lol!!! at least you've got a fun girl. obviously she's not nervous and enjoys sex lol. she's cute as hell for saying that!!! be happy dude!!! YOUR LIFE ROCKS!!!

hollee 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:19



sourgirl101 28

Friday 21 May 2010 22:08

Next have her dress up like a Girl Scout and use your penis to start a fire.

abeyhl 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:07

Wow.

Famousxxx 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:11

That just made me laugh so hard, but now I don't wanna drink milk for a while. Thanks

1LL337 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:12

YDI for not tuning out the weirdness and just enjoying it

compguy 0

Friday 21 May 2010 19:13

too much farnville

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I agree, your life sucks 25 990

You deserved it 4 284

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I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 90

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I agree, your life sucks 47 042

You deserved it 6 282

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I agree, your life sucks 49 264

You deserved it 5 353

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 586

You deserved it 36 718

Today, I was outside using a power sander. I forgot to put on mosquito repellent and a mosquito started biting me. My only somewhat-free hand was holding the power sander. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 952

You deserved it 2 750