Intimacy: Mix up

Mix up

By Jon - 07/06/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages, she said, "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said, "But it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 196

You deserved it 79 311

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Same thing different taste

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 148

You deserved it 3 337

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 866

You deserved it 4 046

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 929

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 647

By Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 409

You deserved it 13 922

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 907

You deserved it 11 994

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 2 956

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 4 488

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 263

You deserved it 3 504

Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 1 151

koda_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:32

Why would anyone open up to their mom about masturbation.

breakthesky 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:16

Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/

Comments

iHavetoPiss 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:39

As long as she didn't see anything its all right.

Humanoid_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:39

#7: You must have a LOT of wet dreams. That's gross.

pasiphae9 5

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:42

#19 Not just most real guys, most real girls, too. The OP is way too jumpy about being found out if he just automatically assumes thats what his mum was talking about. Chill out dude, its natural.

angeluv_2014 22

Tuesday 12 March 2013 5:53

I'm a chick and I don't. It doesn't feel good to me at all. I'm an 'all or nothing' kinda girl as far as sex goes, but I don't think it's weird or gross when guys or girls do it. Although, it's very weird when they talk about it with their mom.

OMGQueenB 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:43

#19, #20 and #23, I know a few guys that don't because they don't enjoy it so much. They get enough from their girlfriends that they don't feel the need to **********. Plus, I've heard waiting til they next see their girlfriends makes it even more satisfying. ...I'm often told way more than I want to know. OP, totally YDI. Goddd.

FuzzyWalnuts 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:44

You play dumb in a situation like this to make sure they aren't bluffing you, joking, or talking about something totally different. You're an idiot.

aback 4

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:44

Did you think she'd been spying on you in the shower? Good lord.

Jaywin 3

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:45

Maybe she thought you were talking about showering. I mean it does feel good and hopefully every guy showers. haha I'm reaching here but I'm just trying to help you out op.

FuzzyWalnuts 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:49

#25 - if you wait it feels better, but you usually don't last as long. So if you've gotten to the sex stage of a relationship it's not smart to not slap the ham.