Intimacy: Mix up

Mix up

By Jon - 07/06/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages, she said, "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said, "But it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 196

You deserved it 79 311

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Same thing different taste

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 148

You deserved it 3 337

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 866

You deserved it 4 046

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 929

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 647

By Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 409

You deserved it 13 922

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 907

You deserved it 11 994

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 2 956

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 4 488

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 263

You deserved it 3 504

Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 1 151

koda_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:32

Why would anyone open up to their mom about masturbation.

breakthesky 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:16

Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/

Comments

Chfanfiction 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 20:36

No, #49 is a massive idiot. OMG U DONT WATCH PR0N AND **********!!!??? WTF IS RONG WITH U!!!

happygirl_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 20:48

#7 wow really? why not? i'm not judging, it's just that it's natural and i don't see why you shouldn't...

MARIOHGALACKSIE 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 20:50

"Every guy does it" Isn't this like the same excuse to get an Xbox? "But mom, every guy has an Xbox" Seriously. Not every guy has an Xbox, and not every guy masturbates. Grow up you sick child. YDI, how the hell we she know you were masturbating. You retard.

zeroprojekt 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 21:41

Hahaha, YDI. Nothing like putting yourself out there, huh? Oh #7, it's never too late to start. What are you, like 35? You got plenty of time left to rub one out. Unless you're a eunuch, which would make better sense, then it's a massive FYL...

Shmoopie4 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 21:52

Just wait 'til your texting and masturbation addictions lead to carpal tunnel syndrome at age 25.

shawleigh17 2

Sunday 7 June 2009 22:22

#71, I wouldn't use Woody Allen as a means of justifying masturbation... he married his adopted daughter. He's kind of creepy. I'm not bashing the act, just your choice of idols... haha

_Skies 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 22:38

Sounds like an fml for her, no?

Chfanfiction 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 22:46

#87, I'm 15 but i don't plan to start anyway, so it doesn't matter.

shadowsx1101 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 22:50

wow.... how the hell can you for one minute think your mother knows you ********** in a shower??? Unless you are some perverted type of family, i can see why. Other than that, YDI for being a sick perv to such a nice lady as your mother.

awkwardness 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 22:55

So, #49, you have NEVER, EVER, heard of genophobic or hedonophobic people? Or at least, people who don't like getting their hands on their genitals, because you fricken piss with it? People who do or do not ********** are normal. Anyhow, after analyzing your opinion, my conclusion is that you are an imbecile.