Animals, Food and Birds: MORE! MORE! - FML

MORE! MORE!

By bursteardrums - 16/08/2011 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 344

You deserved it 11 233

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Same thing different taste

Enjoy the sirens

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 195

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 926

You deserved it 3 850

By Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 770

You deserved it 51 776

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 437

You deserved it 19 347

By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 532

You deserved it 23 317

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 553

You deserved it 3 366

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 054

You deserved it 8 335

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 761

You deserved it 1 787

What did you say?

By What? - 22/01/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 658

You deserved it 4 110

By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 744

You deserved it 8 415

Next

Top comments

iAmScrubs 19

Tuesday 16 August 2011 18:54

Be gentle when you break the news to it, but the parrot needs to go to rehab. It might be screaming now, but the next step is orange juice injections.

firegirl1993 21

Tuesday 16 August 2011 18:53

Polly want an orange

Comments

Bloothebawss 9

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:11

*Adds to favorites*

HahaYDI 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:11

You can mail the parrot to me. I live in Florida so I'll just release it by an orange field.

G97Alex 21

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:16

I read "parents" instead of "parrot" o.o

8sq 13

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:18

Try apples next.

Jahouli456 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:20

thats a good thing, it prevents scurvy

upwardSpiral 4

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:21

poor you, birds can be infuriating, I have two of them, sorry OP might want to get your feathered friend some citrus soon.

itsallgoodintheh 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:22

Skype me at Sophie.girl.4ever

upwardSpiral 4

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:35

hey, guess what? this was irrelevant and dumb, please don't waste my time! oh and you are gonna have dome serious stalker problems now.......

ScrayVyle 9

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:22

Omg I know the earsplitting screams of a parrot when they don't get what they want...

kibe4 0

Sunday 21 August 2011 8:52

hi

jbong 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:22

Give it some apples

ottotrot 4

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:25

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot ?.............Carrot !

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 079

You deserved it 410

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 152

You deserved it 39 590

The Top

Today, I had an appointment with the CEO of a big company about a game I'm going to make for them. The first thing I did after sitting down was to throw my coffee all over his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 516

You deserved it 990

Today, I was asked out by a guy who is doing community service because he was caught peeping through windows. I was tempted to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 107

You deserved it 26 656

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 991

You deserved it 1 053

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 712

You deserved it 12 509

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 913

You deserved it 4 724

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 692

You deserved it 4 890