Injury and Intimacy: Nasty - FML

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 526

You deserved it 5 891

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Same thing different taste

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Spicy

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 006

You deserved it 4 617

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 949

You deserved it 10 652

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 104

You deserved it 6 453

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 305

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 971

You deserved it 18 672

By anonymous - 02/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 7 527

She's electric

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 5 317

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 196

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 01:32 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 588

You deserved it 5 551

Congrats

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Spicy

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 8 593

Next

Top comments

AsainChick 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 15:56

You shoul probably get that checked out...

saIty 17

Tuesday 30 August 2011 15:58

That's when you know your pleaser is giving 120%.

Comments

ReynshineCutting 10

Tuesday 30 August 2011 17:07

I was going to say "Gun oil from a sex shop? Sex shop lube usually sucks" but then I saw your UK shirt so I no longer care. Go Wildcats!

ashley6789 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 17:08

Shove a tampon in it.

vi3tno_romeo 5

Tuesday 30 August 2011 17:08

glad it didn't happen to me!

ThatAkwardMoment 2

Tuesday 30 August 2011 17:22

*Facepalm*

MissyBoo13 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 17:25

how

dragonsyko 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 17:41

when it bleeds normaly stings alot to feel for you man

luckoirish14 6

Tuesday 30 August 2011 17:43

They're doing it wrong

BloodyMary666 24

Tuesday 30 August 2011 17:52

WHAT THE- HOW???

chickenpie90 16

Tuesday 30 August 2011 17:59

Ouch!

Lovesglee 3

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:12

...umm lube?

DjeePee 24

Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:27

@6: It's also called 'communication'. You don't tell me that his penis started bleeding out of the blue, that handjob must have been ******* painful. I guess OP just suffered in silence and didn't told his girlfriend about his pain until his penis started bleeding. Therefore, he deserved it. They could always have gone to the shop to buy lube to make it pleasurable, but yeah, he didn't said anything. His girlfriend probably thought she did a great job.

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 164

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 202

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 086

You deserved it 43 134

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I agree, your life sucks 1 326

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