Intimacy: Nice!

Nice!

By BigPurplePresent - 28/07/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 072

You deserved it 18 141

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By csgocockblock - 27/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Jenks

Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 447

You deserved it 2 727

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 780

You deserved it 27 695

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 15:21 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 354

You deserved it 6 839

Snuggle up

By addictedtofml - 24/02/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 811

You deserved it 19 981

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 304

You deserved it 4 390

By "BunnysKitty" - 15/09/2017 23:15

Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 060

You deserved it 893

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 804

You deserved it 40 498

Red-handed

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Wolcott

Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 192

So frustrating!

By Justawoman - 04/06/2014 15:52 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 577

You deserved it 8 638

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 312

You deserved it 5 136

kawa_fml 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:01

aw, that's nice of him!

Dfeline 2

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:06

Ever considered that he was trying to make you laugh, consequently brightening your mood? Be glad. Most FML boyfriend's would just tell you to stop whining and make them a sandwich.

Comments

Alexgoesfml 3

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:12

The thing is, you ASKED him to bring something round to your house. You expect a gift off your boyfriend to help cheer you up?

Zero2Sixty 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:15

okay so obviously your boyfriend thinks your a **** and enjoys sex

eliz3 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:29

She has a boyfriend, meaning we can safely assume she isn't a ****. And is it so weird to enjoy sex? Get out of the house more.

JarJarBinks_fml 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 21:16

If you don't enjoy sex, god help you

blalien 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 21:57

Asexuality is an actual psychological problem.

letitbe56 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 22:16

Well...it's in the DSM, but whether or not it's a "problem" is heavily debated.

annalou_fml 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 8:41

Just because she has a boyfriend doesn't mean you can assume she isn't a ****. I'm not saying she is or isn't, I don't know her, but having a boyfriend doesn't mean anything, and anyone who has ever been cheated on knows that. haha.

RabbitPressure1 6

Tuesday 20 September 2011 16:20

Wtf are you talking about? Who said anything about cheating??

Sketch_y 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:16

YDI. He's a caring guy and you're a selfish egotistical b*tch.

lilsurfergrlsp 3

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:19

how is this an FML? that's awesome! p.s. i would never ask my boyfriend to "bring me something nice" if i was having a bad day. just being with him would be enough.

wackodongo 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:20

you should be thankful

autumn_fml 1

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:21

i would love it if my boyfriend did that, it's hilarious. guys really do try their hardest to get things right.

Xrailer 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:21

give him a high five for me.

SimpleSimon 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:23

Lighten up, I'm a bloke and if my friend had done the equivalent and brought me a fake vag to cheer me up I'd be well pleased...

slack3r9 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:23

at least it was funny

letitbe56 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:28

Are you sure he wasn't trying to cheer you up with HUMOR? An enormous purple ***** would've got me laughing. Does laughter not cheer you up? People don't read minds. If you know what you want, ask for it. You can still even have it be a surprise by saying something like, "Can you bring over something yummy?" (if you want food) or "Could you bring over a funny movie?" (if you want a movie) etc.