Miscellaneous: Noise machine

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 139

You deserved it 5 834

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

Not now, Kelsey

By Amy - 01/04/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 713

You deserved it 7 257

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 475

You deserved it 4 811

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 772

You deserved it 3 361

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 197

You deserved it 3 373

By Alisterine - 24/08/2014 17:31 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 230

You deserved it 14 626

By Woody - 06/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 692

You deserved it 403

Drugs are bad, mkay ?

By theshitguy - 15/06/2021 08:01 - Australia - Kedron

Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 1 186

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 970

You deserved it 7 926

A little less conversation…

By IPityTheStool - 09/06/2011 13:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by, "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. Then we continued to chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 499

You deserved it 7 621

OEsEben 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 1:38

If you're a good fake cougher you can cover up the whole thing... then just walk out rubbing your throat and say "mmm something in my...." and just walk past

achtung_fml 5

Monday 16 March 2009 5:53

Scoot: "Turn on the fan, and sink. Everybody knows that." I know now, Scoot. I know now.

Comments

CountDuk 5

Thursday 4 June 2009 15:41

Haha damn! That's gotta suck.

jerry2295 1

Thursday 4 June 2009 20:49

I see why this is a fml but just relax because everyone *****.

mustangswon 0

Friday 5 June 2009 2:37

Ew LOL

RedCarpetGrave 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 17:37

It's still embarassing, even though he probably isn't going to have relations with her.

BBkid 0

Wednesday 1 July 2009 7:26

That is the funniest thing I have ever heard!!!! LO ******* L. XD

wickliffe 0

Friday 3 July 2009 1:37

yes that was the point, not that he was going to hit that, but just cause shes his friends sister lol

Rach_star 0

Thursday 1 October 2009 21:43

LOL!! Niiiiicee

Critter456 0

Saturday 10 April 2010 4:41

LMAO!!! that just made my day!

Whatever80 0

Wednesday 14 April 2010 23:26

Umm When The Hell Did He Say He Was Going To **** His Friends Sister ? All He Said She Was Pretty Cute. Im Pretty Sure You Say That Your Friend's Brother Or Sister Is Pretty Cute , Does That Mean You Wanna **** Them ? I Don't Think So It Just Mean You Think They Are Pretty Cute.