Intimacy: Ouch

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 651

You deserved it 29 364

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Spit or Swallow?

By buymeflavoredlube - 05/06/2018 05:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 747

You deserved it 974

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 781

You deserved it 4 766

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 595

You deserved it 5 731

Prince Charming

By muskogee - 20/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 354

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 675

You deserved it 12 201

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 041

You deserved it 9 713

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 306

You deserved it 2 763

By thisblows - 16/03/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 838

You deserved it 8 748

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 428

You deserved it 182

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 789

justlikeme79 9

Thursday 15 December 2011 8:56

Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.

ThatLooksSticky 16

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:31

Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.

Comments

Marieflowers 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:08

its all about licking

Lqum26 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:19

That's what she said

Yodaevil 4

Thursday 15 December 2011 15:07

Next on her list, crushing his walnuts while chomping the hot dog...

OhLohd111 11

Thursday 15 December 2011 19:20

It's all about being messy and deep throating... Duh.

Jonkbaby 22

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:12

hope you didn't taste relish and mustard

Madmandy69 1

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:12

Sounds like the similar fml where the gf is getting oral from the bf and says "its not a taco competiition"

palahniukpaul 6

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:14

Well did you stop? That hurts a lot!!

russianraccoon 0

Thursday 29 March 2012 9:43

You. Look like a rapist.

beatlesgirl2u2 15

Sunday 20 May 2012 0:40

That's so mean but it made me laugh out loud!!!

xXxIracebethxXx 14

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:18

At least he didn't get into a fetal position this time. :)

Nessco 36

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:22

At least you're getting feedback. How about asking him how HE likes it? Then you'll be doing a good job.

unidentifieduser 23

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:25

I'm going to a take a stab and say this was your first ********. Am I correct?

ThatLooksSticky 16

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:31

Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.

MyNameis_Kevin 3

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:38

Some girls just seem to be naturally better at ********. I think it's genetics. That bites that your not gifted op

brock329 3

Friday 16 December 2011 1:04

So your saying sucking dick just runs in the family tree. Nice.

amisenho 11

Thursday 10 October 2013 16:21

Actually, it comes (no pun intended) with practice. The ones who usually don't get any better at them are the ones who probably got subjective (or just simply not helpful) feedback on their techniques, leaving them in a Catch-22. It's like being a barista or cook; you have to hone your skills in an environment that doesn't leave you without helpful, style-building feedback or tips other than, "Get better at it, then we'll talk."