Intimacy and Work: Perks

Perks

By Username - 01/06/2011 12:35 - Canada

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 401

You deserved it 31 967

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Same thing different taste

By larsn - 03/06/2016 20:32 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 893

You deserved it 20 214

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 16:06

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 788

By Kate - 17/10/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, I was chatting with a customer who comes regularly to my job. He sticks his hand out and I put my hand on his, thinking he's giving me a high five. He was just waiting for his receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 678

You deserved it 22 938

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 428

You deserved it 183

Great reference

By Anonymous - 21/10/2024 05:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after I'd asked my brother be my reference for a job, he made up some story about a 9-month contract, then the work was done so they told me not to come anymore. My potential new boss told me how big of a liar I was and how it cost me the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 573

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 717

You deserved it 18 644

Perv

By WhyMe - 09/04/2017 22:00

Today, at work, a customer was staring at me for a long time. Hoping to break the awkwardness, I asked him what brought him to the store today. He complimented me on my friendly demeanor, then followed up with, "Since you're so friendly, how about coming in the bathroom with me and giving me a hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 389

You deserved it 396

By Al Staten - 06/12/2016 22:03

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 442

You deserved it 2 548

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 305

By KN - 25/06/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 887

You deserved it 12 554

Thanatos1206 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:10

Well that's always a plus to have an employee for that.

sheethapins 13

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:56

Employee of the Month: Rick Rick is always a hands on guy. He's got a real firm grip on his duties and really knows how to beat the competition. When it comes to Rick he's an explosive guy who pulls his way to the top, he always finishes what he starts, is quick to lend a hand, and never leaves any job unfinished. He's got a satisfying ethic to him and I can honestly say he pleases me. Congratulations Rick.

Comments

FreebirdIII 1

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:24

At least there is a Happy Ending.

MollyDollLifee 1

Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:41

Hilarious 

Wheredidgrungego 12

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:24

Neither are bad traits in a great employee!

kut19 6

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:27

if that doesn't get him the job, nothing will.

kittykat1497 7

Thursday 2 June 2011 1:53

********?

you_failed 15

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:27

That could come useful....

CallMeHush 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:33

It is hard to let someone like that go!

LadyTammyA 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:34

A Freudian slip by any chance?? Perhaps you were expressing your innermost desires?? ;)

sxe_beast 11

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:34

But I bet your moth is always willing! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH BURN!

sheethapins 13

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:47

Burn like a moth to a flame.

sxe_beast 11

Wednesday 1 June 2011 20:05

I meant to type mother :(. iPhone fail :(

khaya 9

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:38

That's really nice of you, I'm sure he got the job.

Kochy 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:47

now they r gonna expect hand jobs from him.

Zayna_604 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 19:47

That just shows how dirty your mind is..

Got_any_grapes1 4

Thursday 2 June 2011 5:42

Justin Bieber sucks. Just Saying. Eminem is da way to go!

Got_any_grapes1 4

Thursday 2 June 2011 5:45

Justin Bieber sucks. Just Saying. Eminem is the way to go! But, he's my husband. So is TI. Also Nelly. And Ludacris. I also like Chingy. I want to marry Charliee Sheen. He's cool. Aren't I so random.