Embarrassing and Intimacy: Pleased to see me?

Pleased to see me?

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 801

You deserved it 20 046

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Cockstepblocked

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 133

You deserved it 470

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 042

You deserved it 5 426

By wtf - 16/06/2016 06:02 - United States - Fairfield

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 276

You deserved it 5 909

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 233

You deserved it 26 087

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 968

You deserved it 5 604

By tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 066

You deserved it 2 096

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 692

You deserved it 17 084

By emilyxoxoxo - 21/03/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 629

You deserved it 37 071

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 7 146

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 681

You deserved it 3 099

HeyImPayton 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 4:59

"don't worry, it's just a pen"

morgan69_fml 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 4:57

Hahaha, that must've been awkward...

Comments

False_Stupidity 41

Sunday 30 October 2011 19:39

Lol, is it wrong that this FML gave me a boner?

jaszver 1

Sunday 30 October 2011 20:21

"Miscalculated". Sure.

justanotherrando_fml 2

Sunday 30 October 2011 20:22

That's aweso

RedPillSucks 31

Sunday 30 October 2011 21:55

That was a miscalculation just like the one where your pants dropped off just before she sat down. and got up again and sat and got up....

cPTcAPSLOCK 4

Sunday 30 October 2011 23:44

well, it's where you wanted her to go anyway... so whats the problem?

bweezy11 0

Monday 31 October 2011 1:11

That same thing happened to me... O_o

mrjude 3

Monday 31 October 2011 4:39

The FML here is that you didn't man up and use that as a chance to **** her, right?

GameOver008 1

Monday 31 October 2011 6:48

Next step: Someone will get naked

FMLoverAgain 7

Tuesday 1 November 2011 0:38

Sounds like it was calculated in the manner of rocket science precision.

cjsj0 0

Tuesday 1 November 2011 1:45

Hi 5!

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my jobless husband wants to buy the latest iPhone. His current phone is in good condition, except that he has a 1000 apps on it slowing it down. We're also in deeply crushing debt from all his bad financial decisions from his severely loss-making business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 182

Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 125

The Top

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 817

You deserved it 7 341

Today, after being hit by a car, I got up and hobbled to work instead of the hospital because no one else would cover my management shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 252

You deserved it 403

Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 994

You deserved it 191

Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymed with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 955

You deserved it 3 011

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 566

You deserved it 4 293

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 840

You deserved it 2 839