Intimacy: Pranked

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 847

You deserved it 4 496

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Same thing different taste

Throbbing

By 2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 978

You deserved it 1 172

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 058

You deserved it 4 732

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 291

You deserved it 40 629

By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 750

You deserved it 8 430

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 613

You deserved it 91 021

Deep sleep

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 862

You deserved it 9 860

By Ugggggggggg - 06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 590

You deserved it 4 863

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 120

You deserved it 13 417

By mee - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 101

You deserved it 8 832

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 043

You deserved it 3 908

buck33 14

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

Well I'd scream too.

dragonstrike94 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

What the he'll is wrong with her

Comments

jesinuevo 3

Sunday 22 April 2012 4:53

Break up now!!!! She's insane in the membrane!!! Unless your into that sort of s&m.

shannonjnae2706 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 4:55

So, your girlfriend is clinically insane? FYL, indeed.

MDTeddy 13

Sunday 22 April 2012 4:58

That isn't funny at all. Normal people would live it down because that is messed up.

GothicAngel95 16

Sunday 22 April 2012 4:59

1. Break-up with her 2. Run as far as you can away from her OP!

Skittles_Rawr 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 5:00

The **** is wrong with her?!?!

HairyPunisher 27

Sunday 22 April 2012 5:07

YDI for using the word "crotch-sausage."

THE_A_TEEN 27

Sunday 22 April 2012 6:09

You just used the word "crotch sausage". Ethos, you deserve to get your crotch-sausage to be chopped off. Hypocrite...

THE_A_TEEN 27

Sunday 22 April 2012 6:13

*Ergo

HairyPunisher 27

Sunday 22 April 2012 17:08

Yeah but I put it in quotes. I'm not a grammar Basically but according to the rules of English, writing, and proper citations, putting something in quotes when being addressed as not the same as using it in context yourself.

HairyPunisher 27

Sunday 22 April 2012 17:46

Oh very funny. Someone edited my sentence above to make me look like an idiot that can't make a coherent sentence. And I said Grammar Nazi. Eh whatever. Happy posting everyone.

iamsickbro32 2

Sunday 22 April 2012 5:08

Bro that's not natural if she was a good girlfriend shed be licking it up not tryin to cut it off. Sorry dude thats a huge dilemma.. Craziest FML I've ever seen.

shaynafaye 3

Sunday 22 April 2012 5:13

that's not cool... this is coming from a girl. is that seriously how she needs to get her kicks and then makes fun of you for it? sounds pretty unhealthy.