Intimacy: Pranked

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 847

You deserved it 4 496

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Throbbing

By 2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 978

You deserved it 1 172

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 058

You deserved it 4 732

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 291

You deserved it 40 629

By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 750

You deserved it 8 430

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 613

You deserved it 91 021

Deep sleep

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 862

You deserved it 9 860

By Ugggggggggg - 06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 590

You deserved it 4 863

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 120

You deserved it 13 417

By mee - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 101

You deserved it 8 832

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 043

You deserved it 3 908

buck33 14

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

Well I'd scream too.

dragonstrike94 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

What the he'll is wrong with her

Comments

handsfree 2

Sunday 22 April 2012 17:10

Thats just creepy. I would break up with her for that.

scotty35503 5

Sunday 22 April 2012 17:30

Never live this down?? No one would! Hold a gun to her head and when she freaks out, tell her she'll never live it down. ....just doesn't make any sense...

BabyMimi00 12

Sunday 22 April 2012 17:35

It could be worse, much much worse; imagine if she'd have done it.

badbitchesonly 2

Sunday 22 April 2012 17:41

Your gf is ****** crazy lmao

Zachthejoker 10

Sunday 22 April 2012 18:24

Bro, your girlfriend is a psycho. Might I suggest revenge?

droln4maltesers 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 18:30

You need to leave that psycho bitch now!

mahan13 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 19:00

Dude that chick is crazy

birdcagereligion 10

Sunday 22 April 2012 19:23

Even if I had a penis, I'd scream too.

PedroRValentin 3

Sunday 22 April 2012 19:32

Oh HELLLLL no

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 22 April 2012 19:48

WTF why did she do that? She's crazy! Has she seen I Spit on Your Grave by any chance? A woman took a pair of garden shears and chopped a guy's penis off with those in that movie, and he bled to death. This sounds like a similar scenario to me. And it's creepy. The fact that she was doing it just as a joke indicates that she has a very sick sense of humor. You should do something similar to her and see how she likes it. But wait, don't do that, because she'd probably turn you in for domestic violence. /facepalm