Intimacy: Pranked

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 847

You deserved it 4 496

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Throbbing

By 2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 978

You deserved it 1 172

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 058

You deserved it 4 732

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 291

You deserved it 40 629

By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 750

You deserved it 8 430

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 613

You deserved it 91 021

Deep sleep

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 862

You deserved it 9 860

By Ugggggggggg - 06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 591

You deserved it 4 863

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 120

You deserved it 13 417

By mee - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 101

You deserved it 8 832

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 043

You deserved it 3 908

buck33 14

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

Well I'd scream too.

dragonstrike94 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

What the he'll is wrong with her

Comments

ChubbyNicki 6

Saturday 5 May 2012 4:19

That's ******* creepy, man. Dump the hoe.

newburton13 26

Saturday 5 May 2012 13:14

Dump her ass before it really happens. Oh, and cut all her hair off and see how she likes it.

RemixV4 1

Saturday 5 May 2012 14:53

I don't blame you, that isn't something you joke about.

Diesixdie 2

Monday 14 May 2012 5:21

For me, that would be an instant EX girlfriend. I would have no, NO detectable sense of humor about that. None at all.

Diesixdie 2

Monday 14 May 2012 5:26

Redundant post. Sorry.

RoxxyHustle 7

Monday 14 May 2012 19:30

fk living it down, you need to gtfo like NOW

ChicaChica5683 0

Monday 28 May 2012 7:03

I'm not even a guy and i know I'd scream like ****. Dump that crazy hoe!!

penguin1234 1

Thursday 31 May 2012 22:56

That's messed up, I would've freaked out

AvoirFoiEnMoi 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 10:35

Wtf?!?! Break up with her!! Clearly she's psycho!

jinxjem 0

Thursday 7 June 2012 1:50

That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. I'm gonna try that the next time I sleep with a guy. ^^;

wingedelephants 17

Tuesday 20 May 2014 11:36

To quote other comments: "But yeah, I wouldn't dare joke like that. That's serial killer crap :/ FYL" "I'm a girl and that scares me. There's no way in any shroom induced hell that cutting off your penis could be viewed as funny or normal. Break up with her and give her the number for a mental hospital." In short jinxjem, no matter how funny the image is, please DON'T try this at home. Or anywhere.