Sex, Romantic and Intimacy: Romance me please

Romance me please

By trembelwick - 03/12/2011 10:04 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 792

You deserved it 6 071

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 144

You deserved it 36 928

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 927

You deserved it 643

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 145

You deserved it 1 274

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 685

You deserved it 60 137

By FreshDonuts - 28/02/2015 05:03 - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 332

You deserved it 6 277

Backhanded

By wtf - 14/09/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 068

You deserved it 4 505

By Anonymous - 15/03/2012 11:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 176

You deserved it 3 727

By Mike - 21/02/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 959

You deserved it 7 658

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 806

You deserved it 5 456

bananabuttercup 8

Saturday 3 December 2011 15:54

That is weird on so many levels.

Savra_fml 17

Saturday 3 December 2011 15:54

Coin slot?

Comments

breebree180 1

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:02

well thats a...creative way to think about it? :3

DocBastard 38

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:06

Are you dating Chelsea Handler?

alex6946 10

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:45

She would say something like that! lol xD

HetaliaFreak 10

Saturday 3 December 2011 21:31

Or Lisa Lampanelli?

sheethapins 13

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:07

Ignore the comment and go make a deposit in her meat wallet.

Sab0026 0

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:07

Ouch, sorry man. ....Meat Wallet ->lol

clsgators 5

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:12

Make a run to the bank of enhancement

hzsambo 3

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:16

a small meat wallet is like a big wallet they all made for the same reason

amishfury 9

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:17

silence her by stuffing your coin purse in her mouth

br33z39 0

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:29

Small change

cosmosis 12

Sunday 4 December 2011 2:56

Good observation.....

Savra_fml 17

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:31

What will you do if someone in the street asks you "Excuse me sir, but do you have some small change?" FYL

KailyKii 11

Sunday 4 December 2011 0:27

I will never think of small change the same again. O_O

JinxosGirl87 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 4:20

Why yes I do, it's in my...pants... -.-

Muwahaha_fml 4

Saturday 3 December 2011 16:31

I'm not sure where you got mouth of out this?

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, yet again I had to lie to a date about what I do for a living, because every time I tell someone the truth, that I work in private equity, they have some choice words about "people like me ruining things" and "ruining the housing prices." I feel like an evil James Bond or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 539

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 482

You deserved it 11 506

The Top

Today, my son told me he wants to be a cop or enter the military when he grows up. Why? "Cops get paid to kill useless members of society" and "Only the military can stop communism." FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 301

Today, I told my wife I walked away from a £5000 bet I had a good chance at winning, because I refused to embarrass myself in public. She responded with a Star Trek reference, "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack, rule of acquisition 109." My god, I married a heartless nerd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 1 227

Today, one of my friends came over to go swimming in my pool. Before going back into the house, as it's all carpeted, I automatically took off my trunks, forgetting about my friend. I realized my mistake when my friend commented on my abnormally long foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 1 514

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 008

You deserved it 3 713

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 932

You deserved it 5 382

Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 140