Intimacy: Sexy talk

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 06:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 009

You deserved it 4 818

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Same thing different taste

By Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 390

You deserved it 15 738

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 355

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 092

You deserved it 7 768

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 6 871

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 163

You deserved it 1 483

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 964

You deserved it 40 648

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 17 915

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 727

You deserved it 33 266

By that girl - 08/04/2014 23:06 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 260

You deserved it 12 663

Bad timing

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 02/06/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 678

You deserved it 6 641

Tripartita 44

Sunday 17 January 2016 6:34

In fairness, on the planet your boyfriend hails from, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy" is an extremely eloquent phase used to court royalty. He must think very highly of you.

faeryofshalott 25

Sunday 17 January 2016 6:34

He's either stupidly horny right now or he has no idea what turns you on. I'm guessing that it's option b. Maybe it would be be beneficial for both of you if you took a few days to teach him what turns you on and what turns you off.

Comments

AScooterman 12

Sunday 17 January 2016 19:43

It's not like you didn't know who you were dating.

anonymoussqueak 16

Sunday 17 January 2016 20:06

yeah, I see why you wouldn't be horny after reading that.

fyvaprold 11

Sunday 17 January 2016 20:52

So...did he kill your cat?

lloydgan 6

Sunday 17 January 2016 22:56

sounds like you are too picky. his words should matter less then his intention. his intention was to do exactly what you wanted him to do to you. superficial much...

doemetoch 28

Monday 18 January 2016 11:38

Yeah, except that that's not how sexual excitation works.

moocowmilk0 19

Monday 18 January 2016 0:41

is he 12?

callsign_banana 19

Monday 18 January 2016 6:26

It was the :D face, wasn't it?

Goblin182 26

Monday 18 January 2016 13:41

Don't you love it when guys whisper sweet nothings in your ear?

thearronaut 10

Monday 18 January 2016 17:16

No matter how well he meant it, it still comes across as a violent threat. I'm sure the boyfriend meant for everybody to have a grand old time, but for some odd reason, a promise to 'murder' her pussy just isn't much of a turn-on.

danman89 3

Tuesday 19 January 2016 5:15

yea he definitely could have chosen his words better.it could be tho maybe since you dont put out enough he had all that bottled in.better fix that before he finds someone that is willing to do it a little more often