Intimacy: Sexy talk - FML

Sexy talk

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Spicy

Today, I spent my first night with my English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice, "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 852

You deserved it 8 002

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Same thing different taste

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 4 683

Big night

By mybad7 - 15/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 971

You deserved it 34 690

Hot and humid

By drooler - 06/08/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said, "You got me wet." Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said!" He replied "No, really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 315

You deserved it 40 790

By Wet dreamer - 17/01/2018 19:00

Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 939

You deserved it 780

By anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Spicy

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 805

You deserved it 8 965

Keep going!

By Taraa3 - 10/10/2009 10:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 336

You deserved it 5 072

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 677

You deserved it 12 201

Candidly

By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 04:06 - Canada - London

Spicy

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 032

You deserved it 7 358

Lost in translation

By ladyhead - 18/12/2008 16:30 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I am a Frenchie who's been in England for two months. While wanting to say to my technician that my manager made me groan during our meeting, I said that he made me moan. Now he keeps looking at me with a grin on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 024

You deserved it 4 039

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 647

You deserved it 4 159

Next

Top comments

MightyMeganLH 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 16:07

Kinky ;)

Andy_King 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 20:22

she wanted to say "oh, i'm so thirsty" in a sexy voice so her boyfriend got her a glass of water. instead she said "oh, i'm so dirty"

Comments

88PersianPride88 0

Monday 19 April 2010 3:49

smooth goin girl

Beavers18 6

Tuesday 20 April 2010 4:11

no you where right the first time, french women are dirty.

wilkshire13 0

Monday 3 May 2010 16:43

no issue lol if he looked wired he dnt want sex duh

laishwowj 0

Tuesday 4 May 2010 5:55

hahaha. owned. first

teresa_009 0

Sunday 16 May 2010 17:07

well if you said 'oh I'm thirsty' in a sexy voice i'm sure it could be taken the wrong way too..

thatonek1d 0

Sunday 13 June 2010 20:19

many ppl r thirsty after sex. not an fml

fylkman 0

Wednesday 16 June 2010 6:33

agreed with 26

omg_thats_funny 0

Friday 25 June 2010 1:54

26- trueeee

chelzy 0

Saturday 26 June 2010 2:58

26 is such a badass. and she's hot. XP

CorinnaHEY 6

Monday 28 June 2010 20:16

(:

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I dyed my hair blue because I’m cosplaying as Jinx from Arcane. My parents made me practically homeless because they associate hair dye with "wokeness" and they’re not having that shit in their house. I'm now staying with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 186

Today, I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were three girls loudly discussing blowjob techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was, "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 371

You deserved it 29 703

The Top

Today, I had a job interview. I have a speech impediment and as much as I tried to keep it under control, it came out during the interview. I could tell the interviewers were trying to hold in their laughter. They ended the interview after 5 agonizing minutes, saying they’ll contact me. I left in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 100

Today, it was my dad's retirement. He is traditional Japanese, so I had custom-ordered a samurai sword from a traditional Japanese blacksmith with dad's name engraved on the blade in kanji script. He loved it, right up til my drunk cousin tried to use it to cut down a tree and snapped it in two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 963

You deserved it 1 659

Today, after going to bed at a decent time last night so I could get up early, I overslept. Not only that, I thought today was the day of my job interview, so I rushed to get ready and go. As I parked in the parking lot, I realized today was the day before said interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 472

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 318

You deserved it 4 740

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 225

You deserved it 2 809

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 229

You deserved it 44 963