Sex, Healthy Lifestyle and Intimacy: Sexy time

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

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Same thing different taste

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 83 406

By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 461

You deserved it 801

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 573

My love language is…

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 320

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 788

You deserved it 6 803

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 994

You deserved it 62 530

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 750

You deserved it 42 635

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 5 496

The Taste of Love

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 14:00

Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 318

thebigslim 13

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:22

Was it at least a flavored condom?

sportmaster525 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:27

i don't think thats what he meant when he said "now open up and swallow"...

Comments

gigi2009 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:01

sexytime!

corbygray528 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:04

YDI for having a boyfriend who doesn't know how to properly perform the Heimlich.

wtf_fml 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 19:02

breaking ribs is a sign that you do the heimlich maneuver well

briancrawmer 1

Thursday 13 October 2011 8:31

no, because you do the heimlich under the belly button. you don't even touch the ribs.

Lolitia 4

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:12

Dude, how did you manage to INHALE it? It's one of the easiest moves ever... YTD.

efmivida 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:15

at least you tried. and i respect that. good story though

aback 4

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:24

And then he demonstrated the right way to do it, on a cucumber.

kc2_fml 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:35

you should have been like "ooh thank you docter.... I'll do annnnnyything to repay you" then he'd be like " you got health insurance?" you'd say "no" then he'd say "GTFO.... just GTFO

dabomblyktiktikk 0

Monday 12 July 2010 5:00

lol with 3 broken ribs that whole scenario would go down? thatd be ******* epic if it did tho.

BBCasper 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:42

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! YDI!

ithedarkknight 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:43

I really don't have a comment for this one. Besides the comment I'm leaving saying i don't have a comment.

atomicbaboon 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 18:02

oh, the irony.

moozooh 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:46

This is so messed up.

lloyd1992 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 18:16

I did that...but the condom was long..so he just yanked it out...so then u must had one of them chicken condoms..fhl for having a chicken dick..haha classic..where'd u get it..spencers?