Intimacy: Spread the word

Spread the word

By JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 165

You deserved it 35 817

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Ben - 25/01/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 287

You deserved it 47 719

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 127

You deserved it 23 508

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 652

You deserved it 86 720

Stuff

By BOO! - 25/05/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 404

Feed me with your kiss

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 08:00

Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 912

You deserved it 798

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 152

You deserved it 4 556

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 328

You deserved it 1 601

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 342

You deserved it 7 042

Get the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 22:00

Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 123

By jealouspussy - 20/02/2013 06:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 494

You deserved it 5 990

lolol182 4

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:00

ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came

Socrates_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:02

how did you answer/what happened?

Comments

snzizle 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 1:54

OMFG NUMBER 25!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA

xsydbabyx 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 5:58

LAWL that's epic! Just say agnostic so you can finish. - S.

lovelight30 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 6:55

that is epically hilarious

xLovey 3

Sunday 29 March 2009 8:30

Athiest or not, I may have to use this at some point....

hXc_cunt 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 9:28

After that, you should've looked at her and said 'not anymore'

dontcallmekim 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 9:29

youre_gayyy 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 12:16

LOL! I the first thing I thought after reading this was "Well, do you?" and then I came in here to see if anyone said it [hoping that #1 would have] and see that someone did. That just made my day.

totawk 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 15:05

should have came on her face. ha.

maiden_girl 5

Monday 30 March 2009 2:29

Well if you do believe, I'll just assume it's a sin to come... lol.

Curcolio_fml 0

Monday 30 March 2009 4:09

Mmmm, #136, actually, I was not trying at all to "push my beliefs on people", as you put it, for I am not christian. And even if I was, there was nothing in my comment that could have been interpreted this way. I just thought, and may have not expressed that well, being non-native english speaker, that talking here about zealots was irrelevant : I think the girl didn't give a shit whether the guy believes in Jesus or not : it's a girl technique for not having to swallow to break the mood. She could have talked about his mother, his math exam, but she must have said the first thing that came to her mind, here it was "do you believe in jesus ?".