Intimacy: Spread the word

Spread the word

By JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 165

You deserved it 35 817

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Same thing different taste

By Ben - 25/01/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 287

You deserved it 47 719

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 127

You deserved it 23 508

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 652

You deserved it 86 720

Stuff

By BOO! - 25/05/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 404

Feed me with your kiss

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 08:00

Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 912

You deserved it 798

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 152

You deserved it 4 556

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 328

You deserved it 1 601

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 342

You deserved it 7 042

Get the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 22:00

Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 123

By jealouspussy - 20/02/2013 06:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 494

You deserved it 5 990

lolol182 4

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:00

ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came

Socrates_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:02

how did you answer/what happened?

Comments

invindia93 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:20

LMFAO!

wowfmlife 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:22

obviously not

bigcrazymike 6

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:23

#16 - Exactly!

genki008 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:25

more importantly, does she believe in a second coming?

yaikwhed 6

Saturday 27 February 2010 4:00

best pun on here right thar.

crudeandrudeguy 29

Wednesday 5 August 2015 22:13

By far one of the best comments I've ever read

cadenernest 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:27

Hahaha, what a great way to keep a guy from busting in your mouth. Evil, but effective. I mean, I swallow, I don't care. But, there are few more vial tastes than the taste of semen. It's like bleach met buckleys and they decided to make little sea-men together (pardon the pun, I couldn't help it)

annalou_fml 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 8:35

"I mean, I swallow, I don't care. But, there are few more vial tastes than the taste of semen." First of all, if you don't like semen, why are you swallowing it? Leave it to those of us who enjoy it. Clearly the semen you've had has been from some nasty dicks, because semen tastes wonderful, and you are missing out on the good stuff. I don't know what "buckleys" is, but I'd also like to know how you know what bleach tastes like? Either way, I'm fairly positive that if the semen you are consuming tastes anything like bleach... it's not really a good thing to be swallowing. In any case, semen is a reward that you don't really deserve. Learn to enjoy what your man gives you.

KingHumanity 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 21:14

Will you marry me?

gritz3 0

Sunday 7 February 2010 8:02

Hahaha! wow, that's ******* halarious!

freyjaspassion 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 10:12

The taste of semen largely depends on the mans diet. If he eats shitty food and lots of red meat, it tastes terrible. Vegetarians typically have the best tasting semen. So, dump your meat eating bf and go find a vegetarian and taste the difference!

ihailcommunism2 0

Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:30

I love you..marry me please..I want you forever <333

depotst 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 4:51

Are you single?????

ihailcommunism2 0

Monday 5 April 2010 20:06

ahah it was a joke dude -.-

cstetchman 0

Thursday 22 April 2010 19:52

I'm vegetarian ... ;D

redrovaa 0

Thursday 29 July 2010 3:51

I wanna date a vegetarian O_o

KinqLeo610 0

Thursday 25 August 2011 20:26

Dude i wanna marry you!!!

jasondavis22 1

Sunday 9 October 2011 6:44

No, just no.

nanner6206 24

Sunday 19 June 2016 8:07

alcoholics! good Lord!-GAG

rachel13_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:28

Lol. Yeah; I really want to know what you did after that.

alex_vik 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:28

Well? Do you? Maybe she didn't feel comfortable with blowing an Atheist (or Christian if she's Atheist)...even though she's not really a good Christian if she is.

memegui 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 2:34

Sucking dicks doesn't make a person a bad christian.

Piratbox 0

Friday 24 June 2011 8:27

Original Sin means your mere existence makes you a bad Christian. Take heart, however; Jesus loves you so much that he'll save your miserable soul anyway if you remember to believe in him right before you come.