Intimacy: Take a chill pill

Take a chill pill

By failed - 23/02/2011 10:06 - Switzerland

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 100

You deserved it 46 301

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 669

You deserved it 8 162

By loldick - 15/11/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 934

You deserved it 23 799

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 656

You deserved it 14 019

By Walter - 24/10/2015 03:17 - Spain

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 132

You deserved it 6 252

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 165

You deserved it 11 464

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 951

You deserved it 5 323

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 419

You deserved it 761

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 968

You deserved it 5 604

By gutted - 07/05/2012 02:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 952

You deserved it 2 884

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 08:45 - Canada - Richmond

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 526

You deserved it 16 760

loveyouall81 2

Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:04

noob

mintcar 9

Wednesday 23 February 2011 16:08

Ew, be gentle. You're not supposed to go at it like that.

Comments

dps_fml 0

Friday 25 February 2011 3:47

you're gay if you are scared of pussy

mfootechargerssd 0

Friday 25 February 2011 4:58

She needs to be a bit more tactful with her bedroom advice. I've been with guys who were a bit clueless, but the fact is that when down there (although ulterior motives may be involved!), the main concern is to please his woman. Maybe she is not mature enough for sex if she cannot maturely communicate her desires!?!

teeheelicious 2

Friday 25 February 2011 5:49

bvanessa 0

Friday 25 February 2011 6:10

Lmfao [x

Vincentsmit11 3

Friday 25 February 2011 17:52

HAHA this just made my day lol :P.. noob

Squires_fml 0

Friday 25 February 2011 17:57

your a champ... real champ.

4evermossin 0

Friday 25 February 2011 21:22

op would you want her to munch your meat like a fat Asian boy at a hot dog eating competition?

UnanomousGurl 0

Saturday 26 February 2011 2:26

Aww you can go down on me lol jp

paprikacha 9

Saturday 26 February 2011 17:03

This made me laugh so freaking hard. XD But seriously, people not knowing what the hell they're doing can be pretty damn painful, so all the comments to the tune of 'obviously she's a bitch/dump her' have clearly never had to deal with such a situation. Her yelling at him isn't going to kill him. At least she didn't hit him or anything.