Awkward and Love: Thanks dad…

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 644

You deserved it 2 607

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By birdisnottheword - 11/03/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 936

You deserved it 8 894

Privacy

By whyme27 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 916

You deserved it 4 472

By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 566

You deserved it 44 721

By June - 19/05/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 626

You deserved it 74 789

By wendtinmypants - 31/05/2014 15:05 - United States - Omaha

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 900

You deserved it 9 217

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 22:22 - United States

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 350

You deserved it 3 324

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 295

You deserved it 7 527

Timing

By iliterallypoopedmyself - 19/01/2012 01:54 - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 766

You deserved it 3 884

By Anon - 25/08/2015 10:10 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 644

You deserved it 9 143

By number2 - 18/10/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 431

You deserved it 4 032

jkozzy 8

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:09

If his boss ever calls, say the same thing. ;)

Welshite 39

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:11

If you are a regular here, you ought to know better. I thought it was standard for FMLers everywhere to take their phones with them into the bathroom.

Comments

mvc3ftw 17

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:31

Slip laxatives in his morning coffee on the day of an important meeting at his job,see how long he takes on the shitter.

perdix 29

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:52

Girls prefer guys who shit fast, or so I've heard. OK, I haven't heard . . . you should know I make shit up.

olpally 32

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:57

Sounds like something my dad would say... Lol... I always keep my phone on me... Even when ********... I never go anywhere without it. Call her back. :)

keven501 12

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:08

Man get your shit together and go faster

LaBooskie 1

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:20

Tough shit, OP. Hopefully the girl wont mind.

matt98_fml 13

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:21

Do the same thing to him when someone important calls.

perdix 29

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:25

Your dad is a shitty wingman! Are you sure he doesn't have his eye on the girl, and tried to muscle you out of his way?

Snazzy_Snaz 17

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:28

That would be wayyyy weird

perdix 29

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:37

I know! But why would a dad go out of his way to mess up his boy's game so badly? My dad hooked me up with one of his students (after the quarter was over.) Before you people go nuts, he was a college professor and I was also going to college at the same time. If I saw this story, I'd wonder if the dad was a third-grade teacher and the son a 29-year-old loser.

berryblizzard 11

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:28

It's honestly not that big of a deal. She should know everyone poops. Although your dad shouldn't have done that, that was uncalled for. But I'm sure she can bug you about it later :)

leydia 10

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:32

That sucks. Tell her your dad only said that because he was trying to embarrass you, or mutter something about how your dad was raised by a pack of wolves and has no social graces. Good luck Op.