Money, Capitalism and Miscellaneous: Thick as thieves

Thick as thieves

By blovesg - 07/04/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the same store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 403

You deserved it 539 697

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Bucks9 - 07/05/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 246

You deserved it 7 143

By disciplinaryaction - 21/11/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 761

You deserved it 3 356

J'accuse !

By Anonymous - 10/08/2010 21:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 188

You deserved it 3 011

Stars of CCTV

By Stfu lil brat smh - 26/03/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I spotted a lady who had the last of an item I wanted in her cart. She went off to the dressing room, so seeing my opportunity, I went and grabbed it from her cart, and put it in mine. I hadn't noticed her bratty-ass daughter next to the cart, who then yelled, “I saw that! Mommy! Some lady's stealing from your cart!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 1 972

Are you new?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2012 02:28 - United States - Lakewood

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 757

You deserved it 2 531

By what_the_hell - 20/06/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 866

You deserved it 3 601

Snitched

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 21:00

Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 108

By disappointment son - 19/05/2017 12:00

Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 487

You deserved it 248

Jedi mind trick

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 19:00

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said, "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 823

You deserved it 819

It's not what you think

By Shopper - 23/05/2012 22:50 - United States

Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 341

You deserved it 7 710

Endymion_fml 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 9:47

You deserved that one hundred percent, you thieving bastard.

PhoenixLE 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 9:47

You're a moron. YDI.

Comments

tincan 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 11:45

#41: Hm, well mine wasn't looking for sympathy. It was something about my autistic brother wanting to get his hair dyed, and my dad did not permit because he claims people who dye their hair are idiots and dropouts. My mom and I both had our hair dyed, while she is a RN (registered nurse) and I'm almost done with my BSc. I found that funny and ironic, no? But I guess I really am lacking the funny punchline there. =P

Jaxro 6

Tuesday 7 April 2009 11:59

Then what happened? Did you return it or book it outta there?

Hazygoose 2

Tuesday 7 April 2009 12:08

#34: What's so North American about Europe? but I agree with your point about it being dumbed down. I think it's gotten to the point where half of the time I'm laughing and the other half of the time it's like reading a self-nominated Darwin Award honorable mention. speaking of which...I hate to be the first to say it, just because the consequences might be mods hating me/my account, but who the hell is moderating this shit? Why over the past month or so have the number of terrible, silly (not funny/quaint), or illegal FMLs quadrupled? Honestly, is it just for shock factor? I'm getting pretty irked when I look at this site for laughs or the occasional "ohhhhh!" but when will the "Today, I was cheating on my husband...," "Today, I with a prostitute...," "Today, I was shoplifting..." end? I don't think I'll be surprised if later this week we see "Today, I was murdering this innocent baby after killing his mother, but before I could get a stab in, a cop stops me! FML." I demand it, bring back the funny :(

_FUCKyourLIFE_ 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 12:08

Ahahahahah youd be gutted, YDI for sure

bambiNo_fml 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 12:25

tbh, it's a victimless crime

NivMizzet 6

Friday 9 March 2012 19:43

No it's not. If the shoplifting keeps up, the store loses money, which means it would have to lay off one (or more) of its employees.

cryssycakesx3 22

Saturday 1 February 2014 10:43

and raise prices

DoomedGemini 37

Friday 15 May 2015 16:55

Stealing is NEVER a victimless crime, you are taking something that isn't yours. It has to belong to someone, making them the victim.

quesoesbueno59 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 12:34

#26: This site is not meant to talk about stuff like that. The point of the site is to get a little laugh out of other people's stupidity and misfortunes and see that bad thing's don't only happen to you. Stuff like your fiance dying in a car crash (which is extremely sad, if true, and I give you my condolences) doesn't fit the site. It's too saddening. Also OP is an idiot and should be removed from the gene pool.

KenMcGormick 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 12:43

i agree with #40... i stop reading after "shoplifting" and gave u a YDI... bloody thief

Wandering_fml 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 12:52

Moron. You really need to avoid breeding. @47: And here's another moron. Shoplifting is not a victimless crime. You steal from the store, that's money being taken away from the company. They have to make it up somehow, which takes away from the company's workers, i.e people like YOU.

musu_fml 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 13:01

#26 It doesn't matter whether that story actually happened or not. It's not funny or entertaining. If anything, it's depressing. That's why it's not been posted.