Cats and Intimacy: Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little....

By pussystroker - 19/11/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 4 001

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 241

You deserved it 6 619

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 289

You deserved it 9 085

By Jake - 29/04/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 108

You deserved it 6 227

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 228

By Scared - 05/06/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 3 402

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 270

You deserved it 8 190

By o_O - 23/06/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 293

You deserved it 4 149

Excitation morning

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 694

By Noname - 04/02/2009 11:23 - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 094

You deserved it 38 828

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 998

You deserved it 10 554

Tarak_fml 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:16

Epicly awesome

Bloodknight 22

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:21

OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!

Comments

wrigglezeus 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:46

old people say the funniest things

perdix 29

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:48

So you dropped your knickers and ran down the street after him yelling, "Come back! I'll let you!" (sorry if it's a repeat.)

yearcity 0

Monday 9 January 2012 4:46

Justin biber sucks

TheiMightyKhaL 2

Friday 3 February 2012 7:12

No he swallows

stevenJB 25

Thursday 25 April 2013 15:42

Why can't we agree he does both?

allie2590 31

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:58

I hate old people. =

spendmoneyon420 0

Friday 20 November 2009 1:15

I Know how you feel old people are the most annoying thing ever i hate them so much all of them but you gotta give this old timer props

FML_Whale 18

Saturday 19 January 2013 23:04

both of you - go die in a hole

Rico5037 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:01

I woulda yelled TOO BAD IM NOT A CHICK DUMB ASS he woulda been like ****

loveyahun 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:07

Oh my god!!!!

_Paul_88 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:18

YDI for playing with your pussy in public!

perdix 29

Friday 20 November 2009 0:25

Never mind, I read that too fast. I thought you said, "in pubic." My mistake.

Erindub 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:22

Paul, it wasn't even her own pussy it was someone elses!

IPoopedOnU 12

Tuesday 13 December 2011 15:46

Lol! Hahaha

BigK_Diet_Cola 1

Friday 20 November 2009 0:24

Was he hot? Cause if he was, no FML.

illy88 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:43

omg ewww wht a ****** perv.

I_Call_Fake 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:55

Old people these days...

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 295

Today, after six months of doing the job of 2 people, because all my coworker does is sleep and sit down with her phone, I told my boss that I can't be doing my coworker's job and getting the same salary as her. My boss added just $10 to my salary and told me to let her carry on doing nothing, while I still do the work of 2 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 131

The Top

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 776

You deserved it 8 807

Today, my sister decided that it would be a great idea to give my almost two-year-old son some strong black coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 659

Today, while on a road trip, we stopped and went to the bathroom. I didn’t need to go, but my parents told me to "try anyway." I’m 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 404

Today, my son brought home his Muslim girlfriend and I had to watch my husband almost physically restraining himself from making a racist comment, especially since she was wearing a headscarf. No, I was not aware he was this much of a racist when I married him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 453

Today, I wasted 20 minutes trying to open a container of slime, only for rotten green liquid and weird brownish yellow goo to spray spanning 5 feet in all directions from me and my bed. I nearly threw up and now am getting a wet, sleepless night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 649

Today, slightly drunk from a head-frazzle of a night out from hell, I sent a text meant for my friend recounting the terrible date I'd just been on… to the date himself. He replied with, "I know, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 897

Same thing different taste

Smack my bitch up

Excitation morning

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