Cats and Intimacy: Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little....

By pussystroker - 19/11/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 4 001

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 241

You deserved it 6 619

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 289

You deserved it 9 085

By Jake - 29/04/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 108

You deserved it 6 227

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 228

By Scared - 05/06/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 3 402

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 270

You deserved it 8 190

By o_O - 23/06/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 293

You deserved it 4 149

Excitation morning

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 694

By Noname - 04/02/2009 11:23 - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 094

You deserved it 38 828

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 998

You deserved it 10 554

Tarak_fml 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:16

Epicly awesome

Bloodknight 22

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:21

OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!

Comments

buddyweiser 0

Thursday 23 September 2010 5:52

HAHAHA I'm sorry but this just made my day rofl.. gotta love old people and their indecency for anything

CurtisDkidd 0

Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:04

old man FTW!

Samyy27 0

Monday 25 October 2010 7:05

Bahahaha. (:

uhmayzing 0

Tuesday 21 December 2010 23:41

he was politely inorming you that the kitty you happened to be petting was nice, and he would pet it to. jerk.

mylifefreakinsux 0

Tuesday 22 February 2011 3:24

OK, I'm genuinely curious here: Are you being sarcastic? Because if you're not, I just wanna say, he wasn't talking about the cat.

rp23 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:23

what a playa

whatstehtimemrwo 0

Tuesday 1 February 2011 13:10

The one thing ive lernt from fml is that old people are dirty and with their old age they can do anything

rozieslothinator 0

Saturday 2 April 2011 6:21

sassy!

elle727 0

Friday 22 April 2011 23:11

hahahahahaha! awesome!

alexisbabby 7

Saturday 14 May 2011 5:49

perrrrrv.

katsteak 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 18:15

Smh. Wts

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 471

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 895

You deserved it 2 259

The Top

Today, on a plane, a little kid was kicking the back of my son's chair. When the kid's mom went to the toilet, my son told this little kid, "If you kick my chair one more time, I’m going to kill your mom and you’ll never see her again." He stopped kicking but damn, what kind of son did I raise? FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 242

Malfunction - the system is down!

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 77

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex to music, which we hadn't done before. I was getting close when it cut to commercial. I was so turned off by the idea of coming during an ad break that I didn't come at all. Thanks Spotify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 692

You deserved it 2 157

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 095

You deserved it 2 376

Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 494

You deserved it 4 597

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 797

You deserved it 8 908

Same thing different taste

Smack my bitch up

Excitation morning

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